


the things that you do (in the name of what you love)

by cherryraindrops



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Mentions of past child abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-22 01:55:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17050877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryraindrops/pseuds/cherryraindrops
Summary: The ticket booth was never exciting for Ryan. The only enjoyment he ever got there was when his favorite customer, Gavin, would come by and purchase a ticket. When Gavin falls onto the tracks one day, and then into a coma, Ryan is mistaken for his boyfriend. This wouldn’t be an issue, of course, if they actually knew each other.or if Ryan wasn't beginning to fall for Gavin's friend, Jeremy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this for another fandom, but was ultimately unsatisfied with the final result. As time went on, I fell in love with the idea of adapting it for Jeremwood, and now here we are! The story is COMPLETE, and I will be posting chapters possibly every other day (there are four in total)
> 
> Title is from Church by Fall Out Boy, Story is inspired by the movie While You Were Sleeping. Enjoy!!

“You cut your hair!”

Ryan peeks up from where he’s been doodling in his notebook, random doodles of passing customers or various items scattered about the booth. His favorite customer stands before him, the fluorescent lights from the train station highlighting his green eyes. It’s been a while since he’s come by the station, Ryan going through his day by day routine at the ticket counter without being gifted by the beautiful man before him.

He runs a hand through his freshly cut hair, his blonde locks falling just above his shoulders as opposed to far past them. “I did, yeah. Figured I would change it up for the holidays.” He closes his notebook and shoves it off to the side, leaning forward towards the glass that separates him and the man of his dreams. “Where are you headed today, Mr. Free?”

“Liberty City,” he responds, grinning. He’s a little dressed up today, a navy button up with the sleeves rolled up, a simple gold necklace dangling from his neck and black slacks. A leather brown jacket hangs from his arms, along with a small satchel. Ryan was used to those who came around the station dressed nicely, but this man usually came around wearing something far more casual, yet still looking perfectly handsome. “I’m spending Christmas with family this year.”

“That’s sweet of you,” Ryan matches the man’s grin with his own. He was absolutely perfect, wasn’t he? A family man, traveling an hour out of town to be with his loved ones. Everything about this man was perfect; his styled hair, his twinkling eyes, his unwavering kindness? Fuck, Ryan wouldn’t be surprised if he feeds the homeless scattered around Liberty City while he’s visiting just out of the goodness of his own heart. “When are you returning?”

“I’m planning on the twenty-eighth, but I’m pretty sure they will convince me to stay for the New Year.”

Ryan nods in understanding, ringing up the ticket and accepting the man’s credit card from the pass-through tray. _Gavin Free._ He’d been serving this guy for almost a year now, the man making Ryan’s heart thump faster with every visit, like some childhood crush growing ridiculously out of control. Hell, Gavin probably doesn’t even know his damn name.

When he returns the card with Gavin’s ticket underneath it, he’s taken aback by Gavin saying, “I like the new haircut, by the way. It suits you better than what you had before.” There’s a wink tacked to the end of his sentence.

_God, now he’s blushing._ “T-Thanks,” Ryan stumbles, recovering himself. “Happy Holidays!”

Gavin repeats the sentiment with another sparkling smile, heading towards the platform with a short wave. Ryan watches with longing eyes as he goes, admiring the man’s clothing choices from afar. Part of him wishes he could have something as stylish, maybe a nicer jacket than the one currently draped over the back of his seat, but his budget prevented him from doing so. Working at a ticket booth didn’t make him much, but it covered rent and that was what really mattered.

Ryan isn’t surprised that Gavin could afford such luxurious outfits, especially with the constant trips he makes nearly every weekend. He’s famous around California for his production company, _Rooster Teeth,_ especially the live-action department where he works with cinematography. Ryan was embarrassed to admit he went to a few movies the past year simply because Gavin had his name in the credits.

He turns back to his doodles once Gavin is out of sight, and he’s halfway done with a new one, one of the handsome stranger’s newest look, when he hears shouting coming from near the tracks. Considering it was only a Wednesday afternoon and the station was practically a ghost town, he can see the culprits dart across the concrete. They look like teenagers, shouting incoherently as they dash towards the exit. Normally Ryan would roll his eyes at such antics, ignoring them in favor for his notebook, but his eye catches something being tossed between the two of them as they leave; a leather bag, one that looks suspiciously like the one Gavin had strung across his shoulder.

He’s expecting Gavin to come running out after them, but when he doesn’t see the man, he steps out himself to shout at the two boys. They are long gone at this point, making Ryan huff as he heads towards the train platform to check on him. Maybe he didn’t even know his bag was gone; he could have set it on one of the benches and wandered off. It wouldn’t be the first time something like this has happened, and Ryan begins to wonder when he can stick a sign about keeping an eye on your bags up near the platform when he notices that Gavin isn’t even _there._ No one is.

“Hello?” Ryan calls out, looking around the deserted platform. No answer. A gust of wind picks up an abandoned piece of paper nearby, hitting Ryan’s feet and making him look down. It’s the piece of paper he had given Gavin, confirming his ticket purchase. With his heart thudding in his chest, he peeks down towards the platform, gasping as he notices that Gavin is lying down there, face pale and blood trickling from a wound across his forehead.

_Oh no._ Ryan thinks, pulling his phone from his pocket and dialing 911. Before he can press call, he can hear the electronic swish of the board, updating the arrivals and the next train that will be coming into the Express. It’s the next train to Liberty City, and it appears to be only two minutes away.

He could call, but it would be too late when they get here. If he waits for emergency services to arrive the train will already be gone by the time they got here, and Gavin would be nothing but a shredded human being on the tracks.

Without another thought, Ryan jumps down onto the tracks.

*

The paramedics ask him how it felt to save a man’s life. They told Ryan exactly what he had suspected; they wouldn’t have made it in time to save Gavin themselves, and that Ryan was basically a hero for saving a random stranger’s life. They brought him along in the ambulance, only because Ryan twisted his ankle on his descent down to the tracks. It’s nothing major, but the paramedics insisted he come with them just to be sure that it was a sprain. Gavin is currently in a neck brace, the paramedics informing him that head trauma and spinal injury were most likely.

They arrive at Pillbox Hill after what feels like ages, and before Ryan knows it Gavin is being swept away by medics and being instructed a doctor will be with him for an x-ray in just moments. It’s only twisted, thank goodness, but Ryan still sticks around the hospital for news on Gavin rather than heading home as the doctor had instructed. He knows it is ridiculous, waiting around for someone whose name he just learned _that day,_ but Ryan felt as if he owed it to the guy. He did save his life, after all.

He heads towards the nurse’s station, where a younger woman with red hair is looking through a bunch of files around her. He clears his throat when he approaches, making her look up at him with a bit of annoyance. “I’m sorry sir, but unless you have family here I cannot allow you to be back here.”

“I’m sorry, I know the rules, I just came here with a man, Gavin Free, and he was injured? I just wanted to be sure he was alright before I took off. He was the one in the train accident.”

She softens. “You were the one that helped him, correct? The medics kept talking about it as they were taking him back.”

Ryan rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, feeling a bit sheepish as his heroic antics were brought up. “Is he gonna be okay? I heard he might have something wrong with his spine and I had to move him off the tracks? I guess I’m just worried I might have created more of a problem with it by moving him.”

The woman, Lindsay, as her name tag states, waves him off. “That’s perfectly alright. We are far more concerned with the head injury he suffered from the fall.” She gets up from her chair, a file in hand as she beckons Ryan over to her. “I’ll take you to him. We were mostly waiting for the family to arrive before we allowed any other guests, but I think you have the right to see him, don’t you?”

Ryan grins at her. “Thank you.” He follows her down various hallways, past rooms with open doors of family members visiting one another. A little girl waves at him when he stares a little too long at one of the doors, and he waves back to her with an embarrassed blush on his cheeks. She merely giggles at him before turning away back towards the room, leaving him with a soft chuckle.

Lindsay eventually pauses at one of the doors. “Gavin Free, here we are. As far as I am aware his family should be arriving about any minute now, but I doubt they would be upset that the man who saved him is just making sure he’s not dead.” She winks at him before heading back towards the nurse’s station, though she’s stopped by one of the doctor’s, who looks at Ryan with a raised eyebrow.

“Is he a family member?” the doctor questions, and Ryan freezes.

Lindsay waves him off. “Of course, doctor. This is the man’s boyfriend.”

Ryan nearly chokes at Lindsay’s words. _Boyfriend? Yeah, maybe in his daydreams._

The doctor appears skeptical, which isn’t missed by Lindsay. “You wouldn’t want to turn away a concerned partner, now would you? Imagine the press nightmare that would follow!”

Her words seem to work, because the doctor merely huffs. “Carry on.”

Lindsay playfully sticks her tongue out at the man as he walks away, turning back to Ryan with a smile. “Sorry about that. He’s already been given a rather strict warning about his behavior towards same sex couples, and that was the only thing I could think of that would allow him to let you in.” Ryan is about to speak up, thank her for helping him out, but she’s gone before he can even get the words out.

Stepping into Gavin’s room, Ryan is suddenly hit the realization that he has no idea what to say to this guy. He’s unconscious, which isn’t much of a surprise given how serious the head injury appeared, but Ryan still finds himself wanting to be careful with his words. He swallows, reaching out to touch Gavin’s hand before changing his mind and stuffing it into his pocket. “Hi, Gavin. I’m Ryan, um, Haywood? I work the ticket booth for Los Santos Transit.”

He groans. This whole situation felt weird as hell. Trying to ignore his own awkwardness, he peeks at Gavin’s chart at the end of the bed as a distraction. Gavin Free, thirty. He lives in Los Santos, like Ryan, but his emergency contact listed at the bottom appears to be from Liberty City. A man by the name of Michael Jones. A momentary panic hits Ryan then. What if that was his boyfriend? God, he should have just admitted to that doctor that he was a _brother_ or something.

He takes a seat beside the hospital bed, pulling out his phone and pulling up his Spotify. “I, uh, I don’t know if music helps in this situation, but maybe you would like something nice to wake up to? I mean, your family is on the way and that would be really nice to see, but, uh, yeah.” He smacks himself, flicking through his songs before finally selecting something soothing off one of the pre-made relaxation playlists.

The door swings open a little while later, and Ryan nearly drops his phone from being startled. A curly haired man stands there, accompanied by a red head who appears to have been crying. There is a man behind them, a skinner one with an impressive mustache and fitting suit. Ryan feels awkward being there, with what was obviously Gavin’s family standing there looking at him with death glares. (At least, that is what the curly haired guy was giving him.)

“Lady out there says your Gavin’s boyfriend,” the red head says, pulling Ryan into a bone crushing hug. Ryan feels awkward, wants to explain himself that he is _mostly certainly not that was a lie,_ but he doesn’t think he wants to upset the woman any further than she already was. “I can’t believe you pulled him from the tracks! That is some heroics there!”

Lindsay comes in behind them, smiling sheepishly at Ryan before turning to the three. Ryan casts her a glance that screams ‘get me out of this, this is your fault’, but it appears to be ignored. “I see that you all have met the hero of the hour. Ryan, this is Gavin’s family. They’ve just arrived from Liberty City!” she appears just as scared as Ryan does with everything, and Ryan feels horrible for her. There was a good chance she could get in huge trouble for lying about such a thing.

The curly haired man holds a hand out. “I’m Michael, Gavin’s best friend. I wasn’t aware that Gavin had a boyfriend here in Los Santos. Then again, he doesn’t speak much about his life here to us.”

“Obviously,” The skinner man snorts, arms crossed as he steps towards Gavin and puts a hand on the man’s hand. “And here I thought it was Michael that was keeping him from visiting us back home. Guess he’s been playing house with you here instead.” His comment earns an elbow to the ribs from Michael, but it looks like he takes more of the hit then he does.

Ryan needs to stop this. He needs to stop this _now._ “It’s still pretty new, the two of us. Only a couple of months, really.” _Good going, stupid._

Before anything else could really happen, the red head is taking him by the arm, grinning and ushering him towards the hospital cafeteria to gather up coffee for everyone. She’s cheered up since she’s first arrived, chattering about how worried Michael was the whole trip over (Her name is Jack, and Ryan finds out quickly that Michael is nothing more than a friend, _thank god_ ), and apologizing for Michael’s grumpy attitude. Ryan was digging himself deeper into this lie, he knew it. He needed to spill the beans right now to Jack, apologize for the mistake and get out before everything becomes far worse.

Yet, as Jack laughs at some stupid joke of his and offers to make him his coffee, asking just what he likes, he feels as if he’s surrounded by something he hasn’t had for some time. A family, one that hadn’t abandoned him years before. It’s a nice feeling to have, and maybe when Gavin wakes up, he can try and track down his real family, reconnect. Or maybe change his name and move to an entirely different city altogether.

Yeah, something like that.

*

Jeremy absolutely hates hospitals. This one definitely isn’t as lavish and well off as the one in Liberty City, with its eyesore of a paint job and linoleum yet to be mopped. The décor is rather outdated, and the staff seems to be filled with sympathetic old people who could possibly be the next patients any second. The place reminds him far too much of his childhood, filled with broken limbs and bruises that he insisted to the doctor’s time and time again came from his own recklessness, his father’s grip on his shoulder tight as he agreed –

Ugh, now wasn’t the time for a trip down hell lane. He already has very little energy as it was, jet lagged as all hell from his flight. He’d just been in Boston for a book signing, a freaking _long_ one at that. He mostly wanted to go home and not leave his bed until his agent needed him the next day. It was when he had landed that he received a text from Michael, citing that Gavin was in a hospital in Los Santos and he needed to get there ASAP.

“Do you think he’s going to be okay?” his assistant and good friend, Alfredo, asks from beside him as they head down the long hallways towards Gavin’s room. “I mean, Gavin has always been a bit of a klutz, and he’s recovered before.”

As they turn down another hallway, it’s Michael that spots them. He gathers both of them into a hug, Jeremy peeking over his shoulder to see Jack chatting with a long-haired man, someone Jeremy is certain he has never met before in his entire life, while Geoff is sitting opposite them with his arms folded, looking rather tired.

“I didn’t know you would be in today,” Michael admits, pulling back to hug Alfredo. “I thought your flight wasn’t until tomorrow.”

Jeremy shrugs. “I got back earlier than expected, came straight from the airport.” He looks past Michael, looking at his wounded friend and frowning. “How did he end up here?”

Michael rolls his eyes at him. “Mugged at the train station, fell onto the tracks. Doctor’s said he has a pretty serious head injury, might be in a coma for at least a week.”

Jeremy’s gaze leads over to where the stranger is sitting beside Jack, causing Jeremy to choke on his own saliva as he takes him in. “Who’s the guy?” Even though the stranger was doing his best to hide himself away, Jeremy couldn’t help but take notice at how simply _handsome_ he was. Despite how uncomfortable he was, anyhow.

“Gavin’s boyfriend,” Michael deadpans, making Jeremy raise an eyebrow. “Yeah, didn’t know either. Guess it’s pretty new anyway, so I guess I can forgive him for that.” He sighs at his own words. “Kind of ruined what I had planned for his Christmas present, but I’ll get over it.”

Jeremy wants to comfort him, but he doesn’t get the chance to before Jack is engulfing him in a larger than life hug. “Jeremy! Good to have you back home! How was the signing?”

“Same as always,” Jeremy groans, returning the hug. “Michael says Gavin was mugged? How the hell did that happen?”

Jack sighs. “Couple of kids stole his bag, might have pushed him off the platform and onto the tracks as they ran away. If it weren’t for Ryan here,” she motions towards the attractive stranger. “Gavin would have been killed by an oncoming train!”

“Ryan, huh?” Jeremy tests the name on his tongue. It’s different. He likes it. “I don’t remember my friend here mentioning you at all.”

“Probably because you are never around.” Michael interjects, earning an elbow to the side from Jack. Jeremy shoots him a glare before turning back to Ryan, holding out a hand for the man and shaking it firmly.

“Nice to meet you, er, finally.” Ryan manages, pulling his hand away and stuffing it back into his pockets. He doesn’t quite appear to match the description of what Gavin was into, that was for sure. Gavin was far more of a snob when it came to who he dated. The man didn’t go for muscular, longer haired men who could hardly blurt out what they wanted to say. He went for someone leaner, someone he could butt heads with but still love at the end of the day.  

As much as Jeremy wants to get to know this man, the nurse from earlier is already coming back in to inform them that only one person at a time can be in the room. Jeremy wants to suggest that Michael be the one to stay, but with the man’s comment still stinging he chooses against it. Everyone eventually departs for the cafeteria, leaving Jeremy alone with his unconscious friend.

“I know we haven’t talked in a while Gavin,” Jeremy begins, taking a seat beside his friend’s bed and clasping his hands together. “But the least you could have done is informed me that you got yourself a boyfriend? I mean, I know you’ve struggled with telling me stuff since- “he stops himself, shaking his head. “Never mind. You gave Michael a damn scare, you know. He was furious with me on the phone about it.”

Gavin doesn’t even flinch, which is to be expected. Jeremy’s heard stories of people entering comas. They can sometimes hear you, but they won’t react. As far as Jeremy knows, Gavin would react by smacking Jeremy a few times on the arm and chastise him for his lingering eyes on Ryan.

_Ryan._ The last thing Jeremy had ever expected his friend to bring when he came home for the holidays. Gavin was a reserved person when it came to relationships, and he certainly wouldn’t have brought them home to their dysfunctional mess of a family.  Gavin was embarrassed by them most of the time and would not have brought a new relationship to them.

Jeremy squeezes Gavin’s hand, thumb stroking the rough skin. “C’mon Gavin, I need you to wake up. The holidays are not the same without your presence, you know? Plus, I’m damn sure the whole family is going to humiliate Ryan out of town if you don’t. Last thing we need is you being mad about your boyfriend being ran off, yeah?”

He doesn’t spend much longer with him after that. He tells him a bit about his signing out of town, how his agent is ecstatic over the sales of his newest book. He’s about to go into a story of how he nearly scared an intern to death with his mere presence when the nurse knocks on the door, Michael behind her. His time was up.

He gives Michael a look of sympathy as he enters the room, patting his arm. He hated that Michael had to even witness this, the man he cared about lying unconscious in the hospital. It only added onto the fact that Gavin was now dating someone else, leaving Michael to simmer with his own feelings once more.

When Jeremy reaches the waiting room, Ryan is getting up to leave. Jack seems to be against that, however, something about begging him to stay and accept a ride from one of them to avoid the disaster that was the city buses.

“I’m used to them, I have a pass,” Ryan insists, but Jeremy knows Jack Pattillo. She is not deterred so easily. “Honestly, I don’t want to cause you any more trouble.”

Jack scoffs. “You _saved_ us a lot of trouble. For all we know, we could have been planning a funeral this very moment if it hadn’t been for you. Please, at least let us call you a taxi or something to take you home. It’s the least we could do for you for helping Gavin.”

Ryan opens his mouth again to argue, and Jeremy knows this won’t end anytime soon. He steps forward, placing a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “I can take him with me. As long as he doesn’t mind.” He casts a glance over to the man, who looks like he wants to refuse but cannot seem to find the words to do so. Good, Jeremy was far too exhausted to argue.

Ryan sighs, obviously just as worn out as Jeremy. “You really don’t have to give me a ride. If they ever ask, I can say you did, but the bus really isn’t much of an issue. I’m sure you and your assistant just want to get home.”

Geoff snorts. “One of us has to interrogate Gavin’s new boyfriend. Besides, Alfredo can stay here with us. I’ll give him a ride home later.”

Jeremy nods in agreement. “I don’t think Gavin would ever forgive me if I didn’t give his boyfriend a ride home when obviously he’s injured.” He looks down at the cast wrapped around Ryan’s ankle, curious. “Didn’t think you injured yourself too. Sprain?”

Ryan nods his head as they head towards the parking lot, bidding the others farewell. “Yeah, but the doctor still wanted to wrap it. Makes it looks far too serious.” He enters the passenger seat of Jeremy’s car, fiddling with his hands nervously as Jeremy starts it up. “Thanks for the ride.”

Jeremy casts him one last smile before he pulls out of the lot. “Yeah, you’re welcome.”

**

This whole thing was completely ridiculous. Ryan certainly didn’t wake up this morning and think today would be anything but as mundane as it usually was. Honestly, he wished there had been some kind of warning sign that shouted at him. Blaring lights indicating _hey dumbass, are you ready to have an awkward conversation with a member of the family of your fake coma boyfriend?_

Since when was his life become some stupid plotline of a soap opera?

“So, you work at the booth for the transit?” Jeremy asks him, eyes on the road. Ryan knows he’s just trying to make conversation, take away the awkwardness that currently overpowers the air around them. Still, he’s not quite sure what to tell this guy. He’ll have to remember every detail he says, make sure his stories all add up. Fuck, what if he asks about Gavin?

“Yeah, have been for the past few years.” He plays with he bottom of his jacket, the broken zipper suddenly entertaining to him. “I was going to school for Animation, but I had to drop out when I lost my scholarship and couldn’t afford it.” He bites down on his lower lip in embarrassment, but luckily Jeremy doesn’t call him out on it.

“If it makes you feel better,” Jeremy starts, flicking his turn signal as they approach an intersection. “I’m a writer. I got a degree in Creative Writing. Gavin used to give me a load of crap about it when I first started. It doesn’t make the best money in the world, but I love to do it.” He eventually turns, continuing once they are out of the intersection. “What I’m saying is, don’t put your dream in the past. If I had listened to Gavin, I wouldn’t be successful today. It sounds like you really wanted to do that, and I think you should still pursue it. No matter how long it takes.”

“Thanks,” Ryan responds lamely. He changes the subject, not wanting to dwell anymore on his past. “Michael doesn’t like me very much, does he?”

That makes Jeremy laugh, and Ryan can’t quite tell if that is a good or bad thing. “Michael always has trouble warming up to people. I’m sure he’ll grow to like you in the future. He just,” He bites his lip, unsure of how to phrase his next few words. “Well, he’s really protective of Gavin. He cares about him more than he lets on.”

“I’m sorry,” Ryan says, because he feels it _needs_ to be said. At least on his behalf, since Gavin couldn’t quite speak for himself. “Not telling you guys? It’s like I said before, everything is still brand new. Hell, I didn’t even know he had a family really until today.” _Stupid, Ryan._

Something dies in Jeremy’s eyes, but Ryan doesn’t call him out on it. The light in front of them turns to green, and they don’t speak for the rest of the way.

**

Ryan spends a good part of the next day stressing out about Gavin. He wants to know if he’s okay and there is no lasting damage, wants to know if he’s awake already and has already spilled the beans that Ryan is a gigantic fucking _liar._ Honestly being a lying asshole is exhausting and he doesn’t want to do it ever again.

He thinks of calling up Trevor, or even Meg, just to get away from the entire mess. It’s been a while since he’s hung out with his two friends, with Trevor starting his new job and Meg’s career at fucking _Rooster Teeth_ of all places taking up most of her time.

He’s thinking about battling it out with Trevor over Xbox when suddenly he’s crashing rather roughly into another body. His own clumsiness nearly causes them both to tumble onto the concrete, but then there is an arm wrapped around his middle and pulling him into their chest to avoid such a disaster. Ryan blinks up at the stranger, who isn’t a stranger at all.

Jeremy chuckles. “Head in the clouds?”

Ryan blushes in embarrassment, removing himself from Jeremy’s hold as he nods. Jeremy doesn’t seem all the bothered by the action, instead stuffing his hands back into his pockets. “I guess I can’t blame you there. I mean, you are probably worried sick about Gavin.”

He doesn’t really know how to respond without looking suspicious, so he simply hums. Jeremy doesn’t really call him out on it, and Ryan is grateful.

“Anyway,” Jeremy changes the subject, falling into pace with Ryan as they continue down the sidewalk. “None of us got your cell number yesterday at the hospital, so I was kind of hoping I would run into you at the station. I mean, I didn’t exactly expect to physically _run into you,_ but it ended up working out?” He pulls his phone out from his own coat pocket, holding it out for Ryan. “I promise I won’t allow Michael anywhere near your number, but I would at least like to have it. I can update you more on Gavin and what not.”

“That would be nice, yeah,” Ryan agrees, taking the phone and putting his number in. He hands the phone back quickly, so he can stuff his hands back into his pockets. “Anything new, by the way? I mean, since yesterday?”

Jeremy sighs. “No progress. Jack told me that the doctors say he’s doing better, but the fact that he hasn’t woken up yet tells me otherwise. Jack thinks if we take turns talking to him while he’s out, maybe one of our voices can draw him out of his coma? I find it a little silly, but maybe it will work?”

“Makes sense,” Ryan responds, pausing at a crosswalk and pressing the button. “Sometimes coma patients can hear their loved ones speaking to them while they are under, it can help them wake up. Something like that, I could be wrong. I don’t know much about health and wellness.”

Jeremy laughs. “That makes two of us. I went to University to be a writer, not a doctor. Maybe I could read some of my writing to him, bore him to death long enough that he wakes up just to tell me to shut the fuck up.”

Jeremy’s words make Ryan laugh, though a hand flies up to his mouth to stop himself. Jeremy looks at him with a raised eyebrow, and Ryan immediately apologizes. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to laugh at that? I mean, I’m sure your writing isn’t bad enough that Gavin would complain. Gavin doesn’t – “He stops himself from saying _Gavin doesn’t seem like the type,_ because how would Ryan know? He doesn’t even _know_ the type of person Gavin was beyond his own personal fantasies of the guy.

Jeremy fills in the blank, regardless. “Maybe around you, Gavin is a pleasant person, but he’s my _brother,_ basically _._ The two of us were raised together since we were ten, and he might not mean it deep down, but I can promise you he would not stand to hear my writing longer than he needs to.” He stops walking for a moment, and Ryan stops alongside him in worry. His heart skips a beat at the silence, until Jeremy asks, “Gavin never mentioned any of us to you at all, did he?”

Ryan bites down on his bottom lip. “In passing? Like he would mention some of you in a brief second, but then he wouldn’t elaborate further. Some part of me wondered if you guys were just figments of his imagination and not actual people.” Okay, now _that_ made Gavin sound like a complete dick, which really wasn’t Ryan’s intention. It was the truth though, and it made Ryan feel a little less terrible about lying.

Jeremy doesn’t seem too bothered by his words, however. “That makes sense. Gavin hasn’t really kept in touch with us much since _Rooster Teeth_ has gained more traction. He’s a busy guy, which I guess is why it was such a shock that he had a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, he, uh, is a pretty busy guy. Not much time for me really. He tries, though. He does.”

“It’s nice to see him try,” Jeremy admits as they enter the car park, Ryan eyeing his car. “He’s usually the kind of guy to just have casual flings. It’s good to know he’s putting in the effort to really have a relationship. You seem nice enough, which is a good change for Gavin.” He waits for Ryan to unlock the car before he asks, “Are you going to visit him today? I’m sure everyone would like to see you.”

Ryan tries to conjure up some excuse, maybe pulling Trevor in and throwing him under the bus. It would seem a bit weird if he just said he had other plans, because Gavin should be more important, right? Fuck, he really dug himself deep. “Are you sure everyone wants to? I’d rather they spend more time with him, you know?”

Jeremy frowns. “Hey, I’m sure they all want to see you. Besides, you’ve been the only one around him as of late. He hasn’t visited recently.” He puts a comforting hand on Ryan’s shoulder, and it burns. “You are welcome with us, okay?”

Ryan feels rather comforted by Jeremy’s reassuring words, the feeling of being welcomed coming back once more. At this point, it would probably hurt Ryan to say no. “Okay.” He simply says, and he can’t help the laugh that escapes him when Jeremy actually pumps his fist into the air at his response.

“Sorry,” Jeremy blushes, chuckling at his own actions. “Got really excited there for a couple of seconds. You mind giving me a ride there? I walked from the hospital to the station and don’t really feel like enduring the long walk to get back.”

Ryan nods, opening the passenger door for Jeremy and starting up the car. From the corner of his eye, he can see Jeremy removing his hat, running a hand over his smooth, bald head. It suits him, truly.  

“You okay?” Jeremy asks him, startling Ryan. “We haven’t really moved.”

Ryan blames the sudden heat in the car for why his face feels so warm suddenly. “Nothing,” he responds, pulling out of his spot and heading towards the hospital. “I’m fine. I promise.”

He tries not to look at Jeremy for the rest of the drive there, because he knows all it will cause is trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

In the few short minutes it takes to get to Pillbox, Jeremy learns quite a bit about Gavin’s boyfriend.

For one, he has _wonderful_ taste in music. Gavin had always been terrible when it came to be in charge of the radio. Ryan loved the same things Jeremy did, which varied from rock music to the classic eighties jams that Gavin would taunt him endlessly about. Ryan was also passionate about theatre, which brought entertainment to Jeremy as someone who knew next to nothing on the subject.  

When Jeremy brings up the surprise of Gavin being into guys, Ryan nearly rear-ends the car in front of them. Jeremy braces himself, gripping his seat belt a bit tighter as Ryan apologizes profusely. “I just didn’t expect that, sorry,” Ryan explains, taking deep breaths. “I, um, wasn’t under the impression that Gavin _wasn’t_ into guys? I mean, we haven’t really discussed sexualities and such.”

“Wouldn’t that be a first date thing?” Jeremy pushes, though if he values his life, maybe he shouldn’t. With the way Ryan reacted to his first question, they would end up in the hospital themselves. “That is a pretty good get to know you question and all.”

Ryan shrugs. “Never came up I guess. I don’t find it all that important in a person. I don’t find it to be a defining trait and all.” His grip on the steering wheel tightens a bit. “What, um, about you? Are you strictly into a specific gender?”

Jeremy laughs at that. “Ah, so this is our ‘getting to know you’ session?” That happens to make Ryan crack a smile, so Jeremy counts it as a win. “I’m into everyone. I don’t really like to nitpick who I can and cannot be into. If I like a person, I like a person.” They pull into the parking lot then, and Jeremy can see the relief in Ryan’s eyes. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“Hm?” Ryan turns to look at him. “No big deal. I understand. You just want to get to know your friend’s boyfriend.” He shuts the car off and unbuckles his seatbelt before saying, “I’m the same way. Um, with people? I just like people.”

As they head into the hospital, Jeremy tries to piece together just _what_ in Ryan was appealing to Gavin. It wasn’t that Ryan wasn’t appealing, he was rather attractive. Jeremy felt he could admit that to himself without feeling too guilty about it. It was just the fact that Ryan was shy as all hell. Gavin preferred confidence in his relationships, maybe even borderline arrogance. Ryan practically blushed every time he opened his mouth it seemed.

Gavin probably embarrassed the hell out of this guy.

Maybe Jeremy hasn’t known him long enough yet. That could be the case. There was a chance that Ryan was a rather loud individual once he was comfortable around you. Hell, if Gavin’s past lovers were any indication, he was probably some kinky bastard behind the scenes.

Great, now Jeremy wanted to _throw up._

“You found him!” Michael comments once Jeremy enters Gavin’s room, his grin looking rather mischievous. “Guy seems all tightened up. Did you do the whole ‘hurt my friend and you die’ tactic or something?”

His comment makes Jeremy snort, rolling his eyes. “Nah, I think the guy is just naturally like that. Also, I didn’t _find_ him. I was heading towards his work when he actually found _me._ ” He looks past him at Gavin, sighing. “Nothing?”

Michael shakes his head. “Not even a twitch. I’ve mostly been keeping myself busy, so I don’t really think about it.” He looks back at Gavin, sadness in his eyes, and it breaks Jeremy’s heart to see him so upset.

“Michael,” Jeremy says, placing a hand on his shoulder. “He’s going to wake up. Don’t worry about it.”

Michael rolls his eyes at Jeremy’s comforting words. “Whatever. Anyway, nice of you to bring Gavin’s boytoy with you. I was wondering when he would show up.” As if feeling his glare, Ryan turns to look at them and bites down on his bottom lip. He offers Michael a gentle wave, one he ignores in favor of turning back to Jeremy.

“He was _working,”_ Jeremy scolds him, folding his arms. “People have jobs, you know. I’m grateful he isn’t living off Gavin’s money as the last one did. He’s good for him, at least what I have seen.”

Michael scoffs. “You know him just as much as I do, why are you defending him?”

“I-“

Michael ignores him, rounding on Ryan with his arms crossed. “Tell me something, pretty boy. How long have you and Gavin been dating?”

His sudden question startles Ryan out of his conversation with Jack, who looks at Michael quizzically. Ryan clears his throat. “Three months. Like I said before, we haven’t really been together all that long.”

“Obviously,” Michael spits. “What about his favorite color, huh? Does he like sports? Has he told you about his oh so _lovely_ childhood yet?”

“Michael, _enough,”_ Jeremy snaps at him, voice raised. The rest of the room jumps at his sudden volume, even Michael. “How about you leave the poor guy alone, yeah? His boyfriend is currently in a fucking _coma._ The last thing he needs is to be asked twenty million questions.”

“Well then answer one question for me,” Michael growls, ignoring Jeremy entirely. “What is something about Gavin that the rest of us wouldn’t know?”

The room grows quiet as all eyes swivel to Ryan. Jeremy desperately wants to drag Michael out of the room and talk some sense into him, scold him like the god damn child he’s acting like –

“Gavin only has one testicle.”

Jeremy chokes. Michael bursts into a fit of laughter. Geoff just looks downright confused.

“Did you just say Gavin, our Gavin, only has one _testicle?”_ Jack demands, eyebrows raised in confusion. Ryan’s face is burning red at this point, and Jeremy wonders if he might just die right then and there.

Ryan nods, slowly. “Yes? Um, he had an accident about a month or two ago at work. Some jackass wasn’t really paying attention to what he was doing with dangerous equipment and, accidentally, well,” He makes a motion with his hand that has Michael nearly toppling over in laughter.

Suddenly the whole room is in a fit of laughter, Jack with tears in her eyes as she tries to compose herself. Jeremy feels grateful for the sudden break of tension, although the new-found information regarding his friend’s, er, privates was very much unnecessary.

However, it’s the first time he’s seen all of them happy since the accident. As far as he’s concerned, he’s grateful.

**

Later that night it’s just Ryan in the hospital room. Jeremy was desperate for a decent sleep since the incident, along with the rest of Gavin’s family that had been surrounding him since the beginning. Ryan promised them that he would stay behind and keep an eye on their friend, despite Michael being rather adamant on wanting to stay. In the end, it was Jack that told Michael to go home, to sleep somewhere other than an uncomfortable hospital chair, and he begrudgingly left with the rest.

Which meant that for the first time since the whole incident had occurred, Ryan was alone with Gavin.

“Sorry about telling your friends about your testicle,” he starts off, awkwardly reaching for Gavin’s hand and holding it in his own. “My friend Meg, she works at your company and mentioned it to me once. I guess you paid off a lot of employees to keep quiet about it, which I definitely should have been, but then your friend kept asking me questions and I guess I panicked.”

Gavin doesn’t move, but that isn’t surprising. Ryan removes his hand. “I, uh, should probably be heading home. I do have work tomorrow, after all.” He stares up at the gorgeous face of the man he’s been infatuated with for months, the one who he’s wanted to talk to for so damn long. This whole situation was a damn mess. A fucking mess he couldn’t escape.

Though he knows he shouldn’t indulge himself in this ridiculous lie, he can’t help but lean forward and press a soft kiss to Gavin’s forehead before he heads off towards the elevators. He’s just barely pressed the button for it when the red-headed nurse, Lindsay, appears beside him with a box full of belongings.

“Did the family leave already?” She asks, adjusting her hold on the box. “I have all of Gavin’s things that were on him when he was admitted. Some Michael guy signed for him.”

“They decided to sleep in their own beds tonight,” Ryan explains to her, looking around them before whispering. “Now, how are you going to get me _the hell out of this mess?”_

Lindsay seems taken aback. “What do you mean getting you out of this mess? I was saving _my_ ass. That asshole doctor has been trying to get rid of me for ages now and I was trying to help you out. I cannot risk losing this job, I love this job!”

“Should have thought about that before you _lied,”_ Ryan hisses through his teeth.

“Well you lied too, you know,” she returns. “You could have told them about what really happened any time now. We are in this together now, okay?”

“Well when they find out, I might be admitted here, and I will _definitely_ make sure you are _not_ my nurse,” he snaps, thanking whatever God above there is when the elevator door finally opens. Before he can step in, however, Lindsay is shoving the box of belongings into his hands. “Why are you giving this to me?”

“Because you’re his _boyfriend,”_ Lindsay tells him, huffing. “He might wake up tomorrow and his family might not even _care_ about our stupid lie. You are the one who saved his life, how mad at you can they truly be?”

**

Of course, Gavin doesn’t wake up the next day.

Ryan is stuck working at the train station all day, but Jeremy has taken it upon himself to continuously send Ryan text messages about Gavin’s progress as the day trickles on. He gets a few pictures, some of Michael threatening to stick his wet finger into Gavin’s ear and another of Geoff, Jack, and Jeremy with markers, the caption that follows asking Ryan, “Should we draw a dick or no?”

One text throws Ryan through a loop, however.

 **Unknown:** Hey Ryan, this is Michael.

 **Unknown:** Are you going to come visit today?

Ryan feels awful for telling him no. He looks like an awful boyfriend right now, telling him that he had other plans that night with a friend that he desperately needed to catch up with. It was true of course, he hadn’t really spent any time with Trevor since this whole mess happened. Still, he knew that the relationship between him and Michael was already rough, was bound to stay that way given the circumstances, and this could be a chance to fix that.  

He spends that night over at Trevor’s apartment with video games and greasy takeout. They’ve been best friends since they were learning to walk, their mothers sticking them together as they reconnected with each other. They clicked instantly, and even though Ryan’s family eventually pushed him away, that didn’t stop the two boys from seeing each other every waking moment. He sometimes misses the days that he lived with Trevor, back before Ryan’s parents disowned him and Trevor didn’t have as good of a job as he does now.

Ryan’s phone vibrates constantly throughout their gaming, but Ryan chooses to ignore it. He knows it could be Michael or Jeremy, but right now he just doesn’t want to think about the whole mess he got himself into. Scratch that, _Lindsay_ got him into. The entire thing was the nurse’s fault.

It’s only when his phone goes off for the fifth time that Trevor pauses the game and groans. “Could you answer that _please?”_

Ryan groans, unpausing the game and ignoring Trevor’s question. “I’m not in the mood.”

Trevor retaliates by pausing the game again, grabbing Ryan’s controller out of his hands and setting it down on the coffee table. His eyebrow is raised, and his eyes are curious, letting Ryan know that he isn’t getting out of this as easily as he previously thought. Damn his best friend, honestly.

“Do you remember the guy I was telling you about, the one that comes through the train station all the time?” Ryan begins, still ignoring his vibrating phone. Trevor looks like he might just toss the thing against the wall if it continues, but he nods. “Well, uh, I kind of saved him from being torn to shreds by an oncoming train? And now his family thinks I’m his boyfriend.”

Trevor blinks. “Uh, _what._ ”

Ryan tells him everything; how he saved Gavin from the tracks after the muggers pushed him, the nurse telling Gavin’s family he was his boyfriend, how Gavin’s family was quite possibly the best family he’s had in so _long._ “I don’t know what to tell them, bro. Geoff always looks at me so sad, Michael absolutely hates me for god knows what reason and Jack keeps hugging me all the time for being such a hero! They keep asking me all these questions about Gavin, expecting me to know everything about him and I _don’t._ The most I have ever spoken to Gavin was that morning, and we were talking about my hair and what we were doing for Christmas.”

 “What about the nurse?” Trevor asks him, game long since abandoned. “Would she get in serious trouble if you ‘fessed up?”

Ryan shrugs, but he feels awful. “Fuck, I don’t know. She means well, I would really hate for her to lose her job?” He slumps back against the couch and lets out a loud sigh. His phone vibrates once again, and it’s Trevor who picks it up and looks at the caller.

“It’s Jeremy?”

Of course, it is. Ryan beckons for his phone and holds it up to his ear, bracing himself. “Hey Jeremy, sorry I’ve been ignoring you. Hanging out with a friend, guess I didn’t notice my phone going off.” It’s a lie, Ryan feels like a dick for it.

There’s a loud shout in the background, loud enough that Ryan must pull his phone away from his ear and cringe. “Uh, are you at the hospital? What’s happening?”

“Nah, I left a few hours ago,” Jeremy tells him, but it’s a bit slurred. “I was just thinking about you, thought I’d give you a ring.” There’s an odd pause, and Ryan’s cheeks feel warm as he processes what Jeremy has said. “Fuck, I meant you and Gavin? Yeah, I was thinking about you and _Gavin._ Also, Michael. He was being a huge dick, I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s alright,” Ryan assures him, even though Michael’s words still stung a little. Despite the truth behind them. “He’s scared, I can’t say I blame him. Everyone is on edge about Gavin.”

“He has a long history with Gavin, has been there for him for a long time. I promise he didn’t mean to be so cross with you though, really,” Jeremy grows quiet, Ryan wonders if he’s accidentally hung up. “Truth be told, he’s always had a huge crush on Gavin that he’s just never acted upon. It doesn’t help that Gavin didn’t tell him about you, given just how close they have always been.”

It doesn’t come as much of a surprise, Michael having feelings for Gavin. Hell, both were incredibly attractive individuals in Ryan’s eyes. The fact that he was drawn to Gavin shouldn’t come off as much of a shock. “That makes sense. I mean, he can’t really be mad at Gavin when he’s in a coma. If he must let off some steam, I’m okay with me being his verbal punching bag.”

Jeremy hums in his ear in agreement, but it’s loud and off-key. Ryan can’t help but laugh. “Jeremy, are you drunk right now?”

“Uh, yeah? Maybe a little bit.” Some shuffling in the background. “Unlike Michael, I don’t blow off steam by picking fights. I’m, uh, actually out with Jack and another friend of ours, Alfredo. You should come join us!” A pause, whispering. “Oh, Jack says you are with a friend. You should invite him too!”

Ryan chuckles at that, and he feels tempted to do just that. Then again, he’s never properly met this other friend, Alfredo. There could be a chance at having a chat with _another_ Michael, another friend of Gavin’s that could pester him with questions that didn’t really have truthful answers.

“That’s nice Jeremy, but I’m actually helping Trevor out with some girl problems tonight. I think it’s best if I just stay here with him and help him recover from his own heartbreak,” Trevor punches him in the arm, and he almost squawks into Jeremy’s ear. “Raincheck?”

Jeremy’s disappointed, and Ryan is surprised to find that he is too. He ends the phone call shortly after, and Trevor looks at him with annoyance. “Why did you have to drag me into that?”

“Had to make some kind of excuse,” Ryan insists, picking his controller back up. “He wanted me to meet more of Gavin’s friends. I can’t talk to them when I know next to _nothing_ about the guy. All I know about him is what is available in the media. That would seem rather suspicious, don’t you think?”

“I guess it would,” Trevor admits. He reaches for his own controller when he suddenly pulls back, eyes twinkling with an idea. “Didn’t that nurse give you all of Gavin’s things?”

“Uh, yeah?” Ryan feels lost.

Trevor rolls his eyes. “Including his _house keys?”_

It hits Ryan finally, and fuck he’s an idiot for not thinking about that sooner. “Trevor, you are brilliant!” He gathers his best friend into a tight hug before he reaches for his own car keys, getting up from the couch. “I should head over there now before Jeremy gets back from hanging out with all their friends. He’s staying at Gavin’s place until he wakes up, but with him out of the apartment I can…” He trails off as another person enters his mind, another resident at Gavin’s apartment.

Michael.

“Uh, hey?” he answers after the third ring, sounding rather confused. “You coming to the hospital tonight? The nurses are letting me stay overnight with him, but I’m pretty sure I could convince them to let you stay too.”

Ryan had to admit the thought was tempting. If it was just him and Michael, there were a lot of questions he could get answered right then and there, though he would have to tread lightly regarding said questions. Then again, if Michael was at the hospital all night, that left a perfect window for him to get into the apartment.

“I can meet you ever there later,” Ryan tells him, biting down on his lip. “I just need to head over to Gavin’s apartment for a few minutes. I left some things there that I need to pick up.”

“Oh! If you are going over there, you mind grabbing me my pillow? It’s in his guest room, black pillowcase.”

“Sure, no problem,” Ryan tells him, bidding him farewell before heading towards Gavin’s place. It’s in one of the fancier apartment buildings around town because _of course, it is._ Just judging from Gavin’s things and his attire those days they would talk, he could only have the best of the best, after all. Ryan is just grateful he isn’t stopped by the doorman as he heads towards the elevators. He looks incredibly out of place amongst the riches in the lobby. He can only imagine what the inside of Gavin’s apartment would look like.

“I’m breaking and entering,” he whispers to himself as he unlocks the front door, heart thudding in his chest as the door clicks. “I’m going to get myself arrested for this.”

He pushes himself through the door, fumbling for a light switch. Once he’s contacted it the room is enveloped in light, and Ryan must catch his jaw from falling to the floor as he takes in his surroundings. It’s spacious, that’s for sure, with a large window in the living room displaying the entire city. The furniture is all pristine and leather, flooring dark mahogany. Ryan is pretty sure most of the place is practically sparkling with how clean it is, aside from a few trinkets here and there scattered about.

Someone has made a home on the couch it seems, and Ryan can only guess it’s Jeremy judging by the overflowing suitcase at the foot of it. A bundle of blankets is waded up near a rather sad looking pillow too, and Ryan wonders just how uncomfortable that couch is. Poor Jeremy, he thinks to himself.

He turns down the hallway, spotting the guest room immediately. It’s certainly meant for guests if most of the décor was any indication. While it seems, Gavin has kept up the theme of prestige, it isn’t near as grand as the rest of the penthouse. Michael has made himself at home in the room, his pillow sitting on top of a mountain of other pillows while the rest of his things seem scattered about.  

There are a minimal number of pictures in the hallway. Some of Gavin and Michael, the two of them smiling brightly and pulling ridiculous faces. A few of Gavin, Geoff, and Jack in a few. It looks as though they are at someone’s wedding, judging by their fancy dress and decorations in the background. The smile Gavin wears is just as beautiful as it was up close, though this time it feels far more blinding. It hurts Ryan’s eyes a little to stare.

There’s one picture at the end of the line that makes Ryan pause. It’s of Gavin and Jeremy, the only differentiating feature is Jeremy’s dyed hair as opposed to his current bald head. Both look incredibly happy in the photo, Gavin’s arm around Jeremy’s shoulder as the two give the camera a wide smile. It seems they were caught mid laughter, though Gavin’s smile isn’t near as wide as Jeremy’s.

Ryan tries to ignore how Jeremy’s smile looks far more beautiful than Gavin’s, more genuine at the moment.

It’s a little hard to found out anything about Gavin beyond that. The place is picture perfect in cleanliness. There isn’t a single thing out of place, save for Michael’s guest room and Jeremy’s spot on the couch. There doesn’t seem to be any personal touches aside from the photographs either. Ryan refrains himself from entering Gavin’s bedroom, not wanting to dive into that just yet. It feels to invading, even if Ryan finds himself curious about what is inside.

He heads for the kitchen, hoping maybe he could get an idea of Gavin’s ideal snack, maybe even a few more trinkets to really give him an idea of just who Gavin Free was.  However, the exact moment he goes to look through the pantry, he hears the front door open.

**

Jeremy had thought that going out for a couple of drinks would be a good idea. It had been a rather stressful couple of days, he’s earned a few drinks. Going out with Geoff, Jack and Alfredo, however, was the worst idea. Maybe Gavin could handle them, but Jeremy simply wasn’t built for shot after shot anymore. At least, no since his career took over.

He knew his friends meant well by bringing him out tonight. All of them were upset about Gavin, they really did need a night to themselves to just forget about the entire mess. It was when Alfredo started asking random strangers across the bar if they wanted to participate in body shots that Jeremy decided he needed to head home.

As stupid as it was, the only good thing that had come from that night was his short conversation with Ryan. It doesn’t feel as though they’ve only just met. Around Ryan, Jeremy feels more comfortable and open then he has in so _long._ He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d spoken to someone without fearing that they would judge him for his career choice, of judging him for being in the same vicinity as someone of Gavin’s fame. 

Ryan didn’t seem to care about any of that, and it was so _refreshing._

He pushes open the front door to Gavin’s penthouse, about to toss the spare key into the bowl near the door when he hears a thud from the kitchen, followed by a whispered, “Fuck!”

The nearest thing to him happens to be one of the couch pillows, but he supposes it would have to do. He grips the sides of the pillow tightly as he approaches the kitchen slowly, keeping his footsteps as quiet as possible before turning the corner, pillow ready for impact.

He nearly collides with Ryan when he does so, causing both to scream. Amid the confusion, Jeremy swings the pillow at Ryan’s head, making the man release a loud ‘ _oof!’_ before he really gets a look at him. Now he’s just embarrassed.

“Did you just hit me with a _pillow?”_ Ryan asks with a chuckle, attempting to fix his now mussed hair. The fact makes Jeremy laugh alongside him, shrugging before he drops the pillow onto the floor. “What if there really was an intruder in here? You couldn’t have gone for something a little more practical?”

“Be lucky I didn’t,” Jeremy points out, himself tempted to help Ryan fix his hair. The poor guy looks disgruntled over the now messed up locks, which is rather humorous. “I don’t know if Gavin would ever forgive me for taking his boyfriend out.” He bites his lip. “Er, with something hard? Like, knocking you out, not.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just tell me why you are here so I can shut up.”

Ryan holds up what looks like Gavin’s penthouse keys, and _of course,_ Ryan would have a copy. He could already hear Gavin in his head explaining the whole thing. _Late night booty call, what’s better than that?_ “The nurse from the hospital gave me Gavin’s things, I guess Michael signed off on taking them? I figured I could just bring them here for you guys rather than keep them at the hospital any longer.”

_Oh._

“You didn’t have to do that,” Jeremy tells him, though he’s grateful. Why couldn’t Gavin have found someone who was a total asshole? It would have made everything so much easier. He looks down at Ryan’s hand, noticing the pillow in his grasp, and he snorts. “If you are taking Michael’s pillow to him, you should take Gavin’s stuffed creeper to him too.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow. “Gavin has a stuffed creeper?”

Jeremy laughs, jutting a thumb out towards the direction of Gavin’s bedroom. “He keeps it in his closet most of the time, but he loves that damn thing. Maybe it will help him wake up if he has it near him.” He removes his jacket, hanging up on the coat rack near the door before motioning for Ryan to take a seat on the couch beside him, which Ryan does with a bit of hesitance.

“You are not in trouble for being here,” Jeremy tries to tell him, and Ryan’s shoulders lose a bit on tension. “I mean, you are Gavin’s boyfriend. I’m pretty sure you can be around his apartment, don’t you think?”

Ryan blushes, and Jeremy must look away to keep his own cheeks from turning pink. _Get your shit together Jeremy._

“Gavin hasn’t really invited me here before,” Ryan admits to him, and ah, there it is. “We haven’t dated long enough to really go to the other’s house? I mean, we hang out at my place most of the time.” Now that was surprising. Gavin wasn’t one to _not_ show off his things to people. He was proud of everything he owned, showing off his belongings and his accomplishments. The thought always made Jeremy roll his eyes. Sure, Jeremy made some decent money from his writing, but not near enough to be a show-off. He was mostly glad to cover rent, really. Then again, if he had followed in Gavin’s footsteps and received a degree in film rather than English, he would be bragging about his money and glory too.

Jeremy meets Ryan’s eyes just as he’s about to tell him that Gavin was just like that, always hard to get him to open, but the words die in his throat. There’s a sudden tension between the two of them, one that has Jeremy’s heart thumping in his chest at the fact that Ryan’s knee is brushing his slightly. Ryan looks so hopeless right then and there, and Jeremy wonders if maybe there was something wrong, maybe it really bothered Ryan that Gavin wasn’t more open…

The moment ends when Ryan’s phone rings and Ryan apologizes as he answers. “Hey, I’m almost ready to head over there.” He looks over at Jeremy as Michael continues to speak, and that’s when Jeremy realizes that he has a huge problem on his hands.

**

Jeremy joins him for his trip to the hospital to see Gavin and Michael. Ryan insists that he doesn’t have to, that he should really get some sleep after being out for most of the night with friends, but Jeremy wasn’t having any of it. Ryan can’t really say he blames the man. Part of him hates that Jeremy is so kind, willing to accompany Ryan to see his friend just so he doesn’t have to drive _alone._

Ryan takes the opportunity on the drive over to try and get a little bit more information on Gavin. He tries not to be so obvious that he’s gathering info, just asking little bits and pieces of their childhood that could paint a picture. Jeremy seems tight-lipped when it comes to childhood memories but has all kinds of adventures from their teenage years. He’s halfway through a story about a time Gavin convinced him to sneak out of the house when Ryan blurts out, “What made you want to be a writer?”

Jeremy doesn’t seem all that prepared for such a question, his mouth moving into an oval shape as he tries to form the words in his mind. “I, um, I guess I just like escaping? That night that Gavin managed to get me out of the house, to hang out with who are now some of my best friends? It was nice to get out of my comfort zone. I usually holed myself up in my bedroom and tried to ignore everything outside of those four walls.” They pull into the hospital’s parking lot then, and Jeremy sighs. “I guess I started writing because of Gavin. He made me realize that locking myself away and not exploring the better parts of life was such a boring way to live. Once I got a taste of the outside world, of friends and the adventures they could lead me on, it was like a block moved away from my mind and showed me a new path in life. I wanted to make sure I could relive those memories repeatedly, so I started writing them down. Eventually, I started creating new adventures from the ones I had with them, and the rest is history.”

Ryan smiles at Jeremy’s response. “I like that. Writing to keep the adventures alive.”

The hallways are quiet on the way to Gavin’s room, the sound of Ryan’s boots clicking against the linoleum the only sound to be heard. It’s not much of a surprise, considering how late at night it was. The conversation between them has died off after leaving the car, making the silence more awkward bothersome. Ryan has never been good at filling in silence.

Michael’s asleep in the room when they arrive, hand still intertwined with Gavin’s. “Guess we have to be quiet,” Jeremy notes, placing the creeper plush next to his friend’s sleeping figure. He pats Gavin’s arm as if jostling him would wake him up. “Hey dumbass, no progress I see.”

Ryan muffles his laugh behind his hand, taking a seat across the bed from Michael. He reaches for Gavin’s other hand, the one not currently occupied by Michael, and stokes it softly with his thumb. “Hey,” he whispers softly, biting down on his bottom lip. “I, um, I miss you.”

The rest of this entire charade might have been a lie, but those words were true. In all honesty, Ryan _did_ miss Gavin. He missed the way the man smiled at him every time he came to the station, a new nickname each time he came by that had Ryan blushing and stumbling over his words. He missed when that was the highlight of his day.

“Hear that idiot?” Jeremy tells his friend, looking over at Ryan with a grin. “Your boyfriend misses you. Can’t say I understand _why,_ but he does.”

Ryan mocks offense at that. “Hey now, how about we _don’t_ pick on the comatose guy, huh? A little unfair, he can’t defend himself.”

Jeremy shrugs. “It’s the only time I can do it without him fighting back. You bet I am going to take advantage of that.” He looks over at Michael and a look of fondness washes over him. “This is the most sleep I’ve seen him get since the news. He’s always made himself Gavin’s protector, always stressed himself out over the guy’s wellbeing that he doesn’t account for his own.”

Ryan hates how those words make him feel guilty. It wasn’t as if he was the one who shoved Gavin onto the tracks that day, but he felt somehow _responsible_ for making Michael stress out so much. “I didn’t realize it had been so long since they’ve seen each other.”

Jeremy shakes his head. “Gavin never really had time to spend with us around the holidays. He usually stayed here in Los Santos to get some work done so it wouldn’t pile up while everyone else at his company was out of town. I always told him it was a stupid excuse, but he’s always been so serious about his work.” He looks like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t. Part of Ryan wants to push it.

“What about you? Don’t you travel to promote your books?” Ryan asks.

“Every now and then I do a signing, but I don’t travel a whole lot to promote them,” Jeremy tells him, adjusting his posture. “I mean, I did for one of my books, but I haven’t really done a lot of traveling since that. I’m not a fan of it.”

“That’s a shame,” Ryan tells him, and Jeremy raises an eyebrow. “I mean, what if in the future Gavin and I want to get married somewhere tropical? How are we going to break it to his poor friend that he is going to have to _travel?”_

Making jokes about his awkward position, that helped. It made it feel less like a real problem and more like some insane dream he could wake up from. Maybe he could continue to play it off, enough that in the end, the whole crowd would laugh it off with him. Maybe Gavin had a sense of humor and would find it hilarious when he woke up. A conversation for the next holiday. “Hey, remember the time the guy from the train station pretended he was a boyfriend while I was in a coma? Ah, memories!”

Jeremy snorts. “You might just have to choke on those words, you know. Gavin hates the tropics. Last time he filmed on location, they went to Bali and he got sunburnt so bad he’s written off anything involving sand and sun.”

The image of Gavin being head to toe red has Ryan laughing, a hand flying up to his mouth when it comes out louder than expected. Luckily, Michael doesn’t wake. “ _Please_ tell me there are pictures of that.”

“I’m sure we can convince Michael to find some,” Jeremy assures him. “He’s an expert at digging up embarrassing Gavin facts. If you ever need something to hold against him, he’s the one you want to go to.”

“I’ll make note of that.” Ryan jokes. “I guess I don’t like the tropics much either, to be completely honest. If I ever had to travel somewhere, it would be Paris.” He notes the look on Jeremy’s face and scowls at the man. “Hey, don’t make that face! I’ve heard Paris is beautiful, I want to see it for myself.”

“Paris is beautiful,” Jeremy admits, holding his hands up in defense. “I went there when I was promoting my one book. Never got to see any of the sights, but I witnessed them from a distance. My hotel balcony had a nice view of the Arc de Triomphe.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket, opening his photos and handing it over to Ryan. “I took some pictures, but I they really don’t do the place justice. Maybe I can help you convince Gavin to take you to Paris in the future. God knows he has the money for it.”

The image in Ryan’s head is nice. Traveling around the city hand in hand, taking in the beauty of the sights and capturing photos together at each one. Sharing a dream, he’s had since childhood with someone he loved. He didn’t care that it could be cliché, to experience the City of Love with a significant other. Maybe if this whole situation didn’t blow up in his face, he could experience the whole thing with Gavin.

Ryan bites down on his lower lip, thinking over his next words carefully. “The other day, Michael asked if I knew about Gavin’s childhood. What did he mean by that?” Jeremy flinches at the mention, and Ryan begins backtracking. “Shit, you don’t have to answer that.”

Jeremy shakes his head, looking at Gavin with an unreadable expression. “We’ve been through a lot, Gav and I. My parents adopted him when he was about five, and we met Michael a few years after that. We were always getting into trouble, pissing off neighbors and what not. My mom thought we were just being kids, having fun, having experiences. Dad didn’t think so.” He reaches forward, pushing Gavin’s hair away from his face. “When my mom passed away, my dad got worse with his temper. We spent most of our time sleeping at Michael’s house to avoid him, and the minute we turned eighteen we got the hell out of Boston, ended up here with Michael. We met Jack and Geoff shortly after, Alfredo wriggled his way in, and suddenly we had a family again.”

It’s evident in Jeremy’s eyes just how much he cares for the man, and it has Ryan’s heart sinking in his chest that he must see him in such a way. “I’m glad you two had each other. Your family is incredible, Jeremy. I’m glad the two of you could have them.”

The conversation comes to a halt as Michael stirs from where he sleeps, eyes fluttering open and his hand reaching out to grip the pillow by his side. “You came,” he mumbles sleepily at Ryan, offering a friendly grin. He glances over at Jeremy. “Figured you would be out for the rest of the night.”

Jeremy simply shrugs, subtly wiping the tears from his eyes. “Body shots were suddenly involved, had to get out. You sleep okay?” Off Michael’s yawn, he laughs, allowing him to fall onto his pillow and fall back asleep. He looks over at Ryan with his own tired eyes. “I’m probably gonna stay here the rest of the night. If you want to head home, that is.”

He looks at the scene surrounding him; Jeremy keeping a cautious eye on Gavin, Michael fast asleep beside them with his hand intertwined with the man’s. Even Ryan himself, holding Gavin’s other hand and feeling himself growing more and more tired. Despite these people not being a proper family, they looked more caring and loving to each other than Ryan’s family had ever treated him.

Adjusting himself in the rather uncomfortable waiting chair, Ryan rests his head on Gavin’s hospital bed and grins at him. “Nah, I think I’m okay right here.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one more chapter after this!! Hope everyone has been enjoying it so far :)

The morning rush eventually subsides, allowing Ryan to go back to his doodling. There’re only stragglers at this point, either mothers with their children struggling to keep them together or an odd businessman yelling into his Bluetooth. The entire atmosphere makes Ryan yawn in boredom, analyzing his notepad that is now covered in nonsensical scribbles and daydreams.

He’s shaken from his drawing by a rough tap against the glass of the window separating him and the customers, and the pencil draws an angry grey line across the paper in the process. Ryan frowns at the mark before looking up to greet the customer. Only, it’s not a customer. It’s Michael, holding a bag of what looks to be from the bakery down the street. Ryan can’t really tell if he’s scowling at him or simply just staring. “I brought you some food.” He deadpans.

The timetable tells him that there are no trains for a while, allowing him to put up his break sign and allow Michael into the booth. As soon as he’s inside and lounging in the spare chair, he hands him the bag of food with a short smile. “Jeremy told me where to find you. I figured we could talk for a bit?”

Ryan feels like it’s only right to experience a slight bout of panic at Michael’s words. After his outburst that day at the hospital he hadn’t really spoken to him much aside from the few texts, only hearing through Jeremy’s messages that he wasn’t one to apologize for something easily. Stubborn, he had said.

He’s brought him his favorite sandwich from the bakery, which surprises him. There isn’t a chance that he knew that exactly. He takes a contemplative bite before responding, “Okay.”

Michael leans forward, nibbling on his bottom lip. “Look, I’m sorry about what I said back at the hospital. I’m stressed out, all of us are. I’ve known Gavin since he was in elementary school, been his best friend for years. The fact that he didn’t even tell me about his new relationship stung like hell.” A bit of mustard drips off Ryan’s sandwich, dropping onto his jeans and making him groan. Michael snorts. “Gavin doesn’t date dorks like you. That has always been Jeremy’s type, while Gavin scooped up all the ones whose confidence was higher than his own.”

Ryan was beginning to lose count of how many times he was told he wasn’t Gavin’s type. “Thanks for that, Michael. I, uh, accept your apology?”

Michael rolls his eyes at him, smirking. “Yeah, you’re welcome. That’s not the only reason I came here.” He pulls a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket, handing it over to Ryan. “Jeremy usually throws this huge New Year’s party at his place in Liberty City. We didn’t get a chance to spend Christmas with you and Gavin, but this could make up for it. I offered to bring you the invitation.”

Ryan chuckles, eyes scanning over the invitation with amusement. The entire thing is covered in misshapen pieces of confetti, little martini glass stickers decorating the edges. His own name is written in the middle of the paper, with a smiling face at the end of it. Underneath his name in pen was written, “Gavin’s boyfriend!!”

The part that has him blushing is at the bottom, in Jeremy’s handwriting. “Hope you can make it. Wouldn’t be fun without you.” There’s a winking face at the end, and Ryan can feel his face warming up.

“Does he make these individually?” Ryan asks, tucking the invitation into his messenger bag.

“That obvious?” Michael jokes, putting his feet up onto Ryan’s desk without a care. “Yeah, and it’s not really a bunch of people that go. It usually ends up being our regular group of friends. He just likes the idea of making it seem like a big deal.” He chuckles. “He’s a dork, but we wouldn’t want him any other way. If he was exactly like Gavin, I’m pretty sure we would all be dead.”

After that, Ryan had pretty much cemented his place into Gavin’s group of friends. Jack comes by sometimes with lunch when he’s working, Michael texts him about Gavin’s progress every now and again. Jeremy stops by on occasion to just chat, ask Ryan if he wants company as he visits Gavin. Even Geoff managed to get a hold of Ryan’s phone number and they chat about stupid things Gavin does, even if Ryan doesn’t have much to share.

For the first time since Ryan’s family basically wrote him off, he felt like he belonged. It was nice to have people text him and ask how his day went, to bring lunch by because they thought of him. While the thought of everything falling apart haunts him in his dreams at night, it’s easy to forget that the whole thing is an elaborate charade.

The New Year is just around the corner, and Ryan eventually accepts Jeremy’s invitation to a night out with the group to have some fun for once, and they all go out to some bar that Michael swears by whenever he happens to be in town. The atmosphere around them is something Ryan could find himself living in, and he wishes so desperately that Gavin would just _stay_ in his coma so he wouldn’t ever have to let this go.

It’s a cruel thought, Ryan knows it, but when was he ever going to feel like this again?

Of course, the feeling just about comes to an end when Jack notices a sign near their booth at the bar, and immediately tugs Jeremy’s jacket sleeve in excitement. “They have karaoke! We _need_ to do it!”

Jeremy chuckles at her suggestion, looking over at Ryan to add, “She would never suggest that sober, so we might as well play along for the night. You want to do it?”

Ryan had done some stupid things when out with friends before. He shudders at most of the memories with Meg and Trevor, knowing a lot of the activities they got up to were certainly cringe inducing sober. However, with the excitement buzzing in his system and the feeling of belonging still thrumming, he nods.

Jack cheers loud enough to make Geoff openly cringe at the volume, throwing her arms around Ryan and Jeremy before leading the up towards the stage up front. “I am going first, so don’t you _dare_ try to go ahead of me.” She takes the microphone from a worker by the machine, who laughs at her enthusiasm. “Play some Cyndi!”

The opening chords of ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ begin to play through the speakers, and Ryan manages to get his phone out just in time as Jack begins to belt out, rather off key, the lyrics. Jeremy laughs from beside him as Ryan manages to catch some of Jack’s performance before she stops mid song and threatens to destroy his phone.

Geoff refuses, of course, to participate. Alfredo seems willing to go up there, at least with Michael, but before Ryan can move out of the way for them to pick their song Michael is shoving him and Jeremy forward.

“No! I already picked a song for the two of you and you are _not_ getting out of it!”

Jeremy doesn’t seem all too bothered by the decision, but Ryan feels incredibly nervous. The glee that had been convincing him this was a great idea was gone and replaced with what Ryan believed was the smarter part of himself that _knew_ this was stupid. “That’s okay, Michael, we can go after you and Alfredo, really.”

Michael huffs. “Too late, okay? Now get your ass up there and serenade your boyfriend’s brother!” Ryan doesn’t have a chance to ask what the _hell_ he meant by that before he’s being pushed on stage and nearly falling onto Jeremy.

The music starts, and Ryan loudly _groans._

The smile on Jeremy’s face is incredibly bright underneath the street lights, the drunken crowd around them hooting and hollering at the choice. Ryan might appear to be a downer, but at that point he couldn’t _fake_ being excited to sing this song in front of people. It was _embarrassing._

Luckily, Jeremy takes the lead when the song finally begins. His dance moves make Ryan chuckle behind his hand, the fact that Jeremy was _enjoying_ himself releasing a bit of the nerves that Ryan was experiencing. Jeremy was rather adorable when it came to putting himself out there, ignoring the crowd and their group of friends chanting below them.

 _It's much too late to find_  
You think you've changed your mind  
You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry

When Ryan opens his mouth and starts singing along with the chorus, Jeremy’s smile seems to grow _brighter._ There isn’t a doubt in Ryan’s mind that the two of them look incredibly stupid, slightly drunk and singing along to The Human League, but as the song goes on he finds that he doesn’t really _care._ He feels care free up on the stage, belting out lyrics with no care of how good he sounds and laughing along with Jeremy as they dance stupidly around each other.

A part of him wonders if he’d ever have this much fun with Gavin. Was Gavin just as fun as his friend was? Would he get up on stage and do karaoke to such an embarrassing song?

They eventually reach the end of the song when Jeremy gathers him into his arms and actually _spins_ them. Ryan is laughing far too much to actually sing at that point, but that’s okay. Jeremy seems to have him covered as he wraps up the song, nearly losing his footing as he dips Ryan.

The song ends, and while everyone is shouting and hollering around them, the only thought on Ryan’s mind was just how beautiful Jeremy looked underneath the stage lights.

“That was so _awesome!”_ Jack shouts once they get off the stage, pulling Ryan into a hug and pecking his cheek. “I mean, you both sounded like absolute shit, but it was good shit!”

“Stop hogging him!” Michael shouts over the crowd, pulling Ryan into a hug as well. “That was the greatest thing that could have happened tonight, _and_ I recorded the whole thing for Gavin to see when he wakes up.”

An arm wraps around Ryan’s shoulders, pulling him into Jeremy’s body as the man says, “I’m sure Gavin has far more embarrassing things on Ryan than that. Isn’t that right Ryan?”

Ryan just laughs awkwardly, feeling rather warm against Jeremy. He can feel his heart swell in his chest as he takes in the laughter surrounding him, the arm that remains across his shoulders as they venture towards the bar. It almost eliminates the guilt that continues to poke and prod in his stomach.

**

The air is rather brisk by the time the group steps out of the bar, Ryan tugging his jacket a little tighter to his body. The warmth of the bar wore off rather quickly upon stepping out of the building, and he can tell the others feel it when Michael blurts out he forgot a jacket.

“You can have mine,” Ryan offers, though his body wants to protest the action once the jacket leaves his body. Michael seems incredibly grateful, however, pulling the jacket on quickly and sighing with relief as his body warms. Ryan thinks it is worth the chill if his friends are warm.

“I think I’m going to head home,” Jack offers, staying close to Geoff as she wobbles. “It was nice hanging out with you, Ryan! Glad you could come out!”

Ryan hugs her as she departs, apologizing to Geoff for the girl’s state as they walk away. Geoff looks as though he’s handled worse from his girlfriend, which doesn’t surprise Ryan at the slightest. Alfredo departs as well, Michael leaning against him for support and saluting them as they stumble off. As they leave Jeremy puts a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

“I guess that leaves us then.”

They walk towards the hospital, where Ryan left his car earlier in the day. Jeremy was the one who decided they should walk to the bar rather than drive, considering the distance wasn’t too great. It wasn’t exactly a bad idea, though as Ryan watches the way Jeremy sways he wonders if he should go get the car himself and come back for the man.

“You’re a good singer,” Ryan comments, though he knows it’s not true. “Your shower head must be really impressed.”

Jeremy snorts. “Oh yes, don’t you know the acoustics are wonderful in there?” The two of them laugh, Ryan rubbing his arms as they continue their walk. Jeremy raises an eyebrow at Ryan’s reaction, stopping them momentarily before he pulls his own jacket off and puts it over Ryan’s shoulders. “I’d hate for you to freeze to death.”

Ryan grins at him, pulling his arms into the sleeves of the jacket. “Thank you.” The blush on his face is evident, but he wills it away before Jeremy can notice.

They walk in silence for a while, stopping at a crosswalk about a block away from the hospital. Ryan wonders if Jeremy is cold now, considering he’s wearing the man’s jacket, and finds himself staring at Jeremy’s biceps. There’s no goosebumps, so that was a good sign, but now the blush that Ryan had tried to prevent was now rising once more at just how _built_ Jeremy was.

“You know,” Jeremy blurts out, startling Ryan. “I’m not really surprised that Gavin didn’t say anything about you. He hasn’t talked to me in almost two _years.”_

This was, strange. Ryan figured Jeremy was still pretty drunk, too drunk to really put a lid on his thoughts, but Ryan didn’t think he was drunk enough to start spilling stuff like this. So, he just responds, “Oh.”

Jeremy groans. “It was so stupid, _he_ was so stupid. It was one fucking book. He blew everything out of proportion.” He makes an explosion gesture with his hands, but Ryan is far too curious to laugh. “You’d think with how far up his own ass he is, he would appreciate that I wrote a book about him. Did he ever bitch about it to you?” He doesn’t even give Ryan a chance to respond before he kicks a nearby trash can in anger, making Ryan jump away to avoid getting garbage on his shoes.

“Jeremy,” Ryan tries, placing a gentle hand against Jeremy’s bicep. “What brought this on? Are you okay?”

Jeremy is huffing at this point, fists curled tightly against his sides as Ryan brings them to a stop. The hospital is still another block, and the cold air is bothering Ryan, but not as much as the anger coursing through Jeremy.

“I wasn’t fucking told my fucking _brother_ nearly got killed by a train because he made Michael his emergency contact over me. I used to be the one he’d call upon, the one he trusted, and then I fucked it up! I wrote that stupid book about him and his ex and that’s enough to have your brother to not want anything to do with you!” He nearly falls onto the pavement, Ryan managing to catch him before he does. “How would that make you feel? To not be told that your _fucking brother_ almost died until your fucking friend calls you, sobbing?”

Ryan bites down on his lip, unsure how to respond. Luckily, Jeremy doesn’t give him a chance before he’s starting to walk again, shaking his head. Ryan manages to catch up with him just as they reach the hospital, and he’s about to ask Jeremy if he’s alright when the man turns on him, nearly making Ryan crash into his chest.

“Sorry,” Jeremy apologizes, running a hand over his face. “I don’t know why I blurted that out to you. I don’t usually…I don’t?”

“It’s okay, really.”

There’s nothing left to say, if you ask Ryan. This was something he could forget once he got home, put it in the back of his mind. Jeremy was drunk, incoherent. That was all it was.

It’s when Jeremy starts leaning forward, eyes slowly closing that Ryan has to put his hands against Jeremy’s chest to stop him. His heart is beating a mile a minute, the thought that _Jeremy was just trying to kiss him_ racing a mile a minute through his head. “Goodnight, Jeremy.”

He turns on his heel and leaves Jeremy in the hospital lobby, his own thoughts betraying him with images of Jeremy’s biceps, the jacket drowning Ryan’s form, and just how bright and beautiful Jeremy’s smile was back at the bar.

It’s then that it dawns on Ryan that he is completely and totally _fucked._

**

Jeremy is still a little buzzed as he heads towards the elevators, but he’s sobered up enough to know that he’s an absolute _idiot._ He doesn’t know why he told Ryan about the book, about why he and Gavin haven’t got along in so long. Liquid courage was an absolute bitch.

And then Jeremy had to go ahead and try and kiss his friend’s boyfriend, as if that would make everything better. He was a _huge_ dumbass.

Alfredo is there when he gets to Gavin’s room, playing on his phone. He looks up when she notices Jeremy walk in and grins, patting the spot next to him and putting his phone away. “Took Michael back to the penthouse, figured I would come here and check on our comatose friend, tell him what he missed out on. Did you get here okay?”

Jeremy nods, rubbing his neck. “Yeah, I did. How about you?”

Alfredo rolls his eyes. “Michael passed out the minute I put him in bed.” He stops, looking away from Gavin and taking a deep breath. “Can I ask you something?”

Jeremy nods. “Yeah, you can ask me anything. What’s up?”

Alfredo doesn’t bother hesitating with his question, and Jeremy nearly falls out of the stupid hospital chair at his words. “Do you have a crush on Gavin’s boyfriend?”

“Uh.”

Alfredo rolls his eyes. “For a writer, you are really bad at words.”

Jeremy mocks offense at that. “Well, I do apologize but when my friend and assistant asks if I have the hots for my friend’s boyfriend I feel I have the right to be at a loss.”

Alfredo shrugs. “It’s just a question. You always look at him all cute and stuff, the same way Michael always looks at Gav. You, however, are more obvious than him.”

That, that is just _ridiculous._ Jeremy knows that. He doesn’t look at Ryan a certain way at all, and he _certainly_ doesn’t look at Ryan he way Michael looks at Gavin. There was nothing cute about the way Michael stared at Gavin. “I don’t like Ryan like that.”

Jeremy should have known he wouldn’t be getting away that easily. “Who cares if you have a crush on him? He’s cool, I like him a lot. I’ve just noticed that you look at each other all cute, and Ryan gets this dopey look on his face whenever you make a joke that he doesn’t get when he looks at Gav.”

 It’s pointless to argue with him, Jeremy knows this. Alfredo knew what he was talking about, and he was dead set on it. “It’s not like that, okay? I mean, Ryan is a great guy. He does laugh at my stupid jokes, but you do know that nothing can come of it, right? He’s dating _Gavin_. It wouldn’t be right.”

Alfredo sighs. “I’m sure he would understand. It’s not like he hates you.”

Jeremy wishes he could tell him the truth. Gavin never spoke of the book around him, and Jeremy never brought it up to his assistant, even when he asked if the book was inspired by anything. It was best to keep him in the dark when it came to that. Jeremy’s sure Gavin really would never forgive him if he told anyone.

He thinks about the past few days; just how close he’s got to Ryan. The way Ryan would always laugh at whatever stupid joke Jeremy cracked, how sweet and shy Ryan was about everything. How Ryan’s eyes would sparkle when he smiled, making Jeremy’s breath catch.

Jeremy can already see the smug look on Alfredo’s face when he says, “I think I’m in love with Ryan.”

**

Ryan can’t sleep that night. The realization keeps playing over and over in his head every time he closes his eyes. This whole mess has just grown far more complicated then Ryan could have ever predicted, and it’s that realization that leads him to the inevitable conclusion that it was time.

He was going to tell them the truth.

He practices his confession to Trevor over the phone, after telling him everything that had occurred the night before. The song, how good it felt to be so close to Jeremy, Jeremy nearly _kissing him._

“How do I explain this to him, Trevor? How do I tell this wonderful guy that I made up my whole relationship with his brother?”

“Just tell him the truth,” Trevor instructs. “You got caught up in the madness, went along with it. If he’s anything like you say, I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“He’ll hate me,” Ryan whispers to himself. 

Trevor snorts. “I really don’t think he will, Ryan.”

The best Ryan could hope for is that he doesn’t burst into tears when he tells them. That itself would be a victory on his end. He heads towards Gavin’s room, just barely getting off the elevator when he collides with Jeremy and nearly falls onto the linoleum.

“Hey,” Jeremy sounds breathless, dark bags under his eyes from probably a sleepless night. His smile is just as bright as the night before, and Ryan feels dizzy just staring at it. With how close they are, Ryan could just move forward a few inches and kiss him.

“Sorry.” Ryan blushes, smiling at him. He grips Jeremy’s arm. “Look, about last night.”

Jeremy opens his mouth, about to respond, when a commotion from down the hall interrupts them both. Michael is standing there, tears in his eyes as he darts towards the two of them with a smile bigger than Ryan has ever seen. “He’s awake! Gavin’s awake!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are at the end. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this little thing, I appreciate every single one of you to pieces. I hope you enjoy the finale and don't be afraid to leave a comment, leave a kudos, all that fun stuff! 
> 
> Happy Holidays everyone, and thank you once again.

Ryan wants to be happy, and a part of him is. Gavin is awake, he is _relieved_ because now he doesn’t have to see his new friends look so upset over him anymore. Michael deserves to have his friend back, Jeremy deserves it, the rest deserve their best friend. He should be happy for them, over the moon, but all that is going through his head is all the people he is about to lose.

Maybe they would have forgiven him if Ryan had told them. Having Gavin tell them, that was another thing entirely.

He could run, leg it out the door and hole himself up in Trevor’s apartment. However, Jeremy has his hand gripping his wrist with an iron grip, practically pulling him down the hallway as Michael runs back towards his friend’s room. They nearly take out a nurse on their way there, and Ryan hates how ironic it is that the nurse happens to be _Lindsay._ She’s startled, and Ryan is half tempted to tell her to get out while she can. If one of them was to be punished for this entire mess, it should be him.

Gavin is propped up in his hospital bed, Michael running a hand through his hair and talking to him soothingly. He looks awful, weak. The moment he notices that Jeremy has entered the room, however, his whole face seems to light up. “Jeremy? I didn’t think you would be here.”

Ryan can see the tears in Jeremy’s eyes as he practically _launches_ himself towards Gavin, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. The two of them are laughing, as if they _hadn’t_ ignored each other for two years. Gavin is chuckling, and Ryan thinks he sees that his own eyes are sparkling, but it could just be the light.

“I’ve missed you,” Jeremy confesses, releasing Gavin and wiping at his tears. “Hopefully the next time we fight, you don’t have to nearly get pummeled by a train to get us to talk again.”

Gavin snorts. “Oh, I haven’t forgiven you just yet.” His eyes travel to Ryan, and he releases a low whistle. “Though I _might_ forgive you if you tell me who this lovely man is.”

The silence is far from comfortable, but Gavin doesn’t seem fazed at the slightest. He just frowns. “Why are you all staring at me like that?” His gaze goes towards the window in the room, and his eyes grow wide. “Are those Christmas decorations outside? It’s not even Halloween yet!”

The room explodes into chaos, which Ryan had expected when Gavin woke up. However, this was definitely _not_ what he was expecting it to be about. Instead of chewing him out and threatening to tear him in half for lying to them, there’s doctors and nurses rushing in and checking Gavin out. Ryan doesn’t hear the entire conversation, only catching ‘amnesia’ in the mess of voices.

Ryan inches towards the door, hoping maybe he could get out of there before things get too crazy, but there’s a hand pulling him back before he can get all the way out.

“Ryan,” It’s Jeremy, his voice surprisingly calm as it massages Ryan’s knuckles. “Hey, breathe for me, okay?”

Ryan shakes his head, his lungs refusing air as the flurry of noises invade his senses. He feels Jeremy lead him out of the room, towards the waiting room down the hallway. He’s sitting in a chair now, Jeremy’s hands on his shoulders as he instructs him to breathe, to relax….

“It’s okay,” Jeremy tells him, rubbing circles into his shoulder with his thumbs. “Gavin’s awake, think about that. That is good. Despite his memory and everything, he came _back._ I’m sure his memories will follow suit in no time at all. Okay?”

Ryan leans his head back, shutting his eyes. Does he really _want_ Gavin to get his memory back? That makes him sound like an awful person, he knows this, but what if Gavin never truly got his memory back at all? Would it be so bad, to build up something fake and force Gavin to play along?

God, Ryan was a _really_ awful person.

“Even if there is a chance that he won’t remember,” Jeremy continues. “He’s fallen in love with you before. This a chance for him to fall in love with you all over again.” He pauses, biting down on his lip. “I mean, you are pretty easy to fall for.”

His words make Ryan smile for a moment, allows him to pretend that Jeremy is confessing something to him, that maybe Ryan’s stupid feelings towards him could actually be reciprocated and maybe the two of them could just run away from all of this.

However, reality was not as kind as Ryan would like it to be.

“I should leave,” Ryan whispers softly, though part of him protests the idea. “Give him some time. I don’t want him to freak out any more than he already is. Seeing me won’t help him recover.” He gets up, removing himself from Jeremy’s grip and shaking off the feeling of guilt that begins to brew in his stomach. He doesn’t bother looking back as he heads towards the elevators to see if Jeremy is still looking at him, there being a slim chance of Jeremy coming after him unlikely.

The minute the elevator doors close is when Ryan smacks his head against the wall.

**

 **Jeremy:** This is Gavin, Jeremy won’t let me use my phone, so I stole his. You busy?

Ryan swallows, staring down at his phone. He shouldn’t text back, he should leave things be. Right?

 **Ryan:** Not really. You feeling better?

 **Jeremy:** Confused, mostly? Michael filled me in about you. Come see me?

He really shouldn’t.

 **Ryan:** Okay

He tries not to think about how the ride to the hospital is strange without Jeremy in the passenger seat, cracking some dumb joke that has Ryan busting into a fit of laughter. There is no catchy rock song playing on the radio that has Jeremy singing along obnoxiously. It’s rather lonely, Ryan thinks.

Gavin is playing on Jeremy’s phone when Ryan enters, causing him to look up with a grin. “Hey Rye! C’mon on.”

It’s weird, having Gavin speaking to him rather than be unconscious as Ryan held the conversation up. He takes the seat closest to Gavin’s bed out of habit, grinning at him as he sits down. “Hey. Um, how are you feeling?”

Gavin groans. “Like hell. Head hurts. Doctors says I should be fine up there though, minus the stupid memory issues.”

“That’s good.”

The silence is so awkward Ryan wishes he could just _bolt._

“I do remember you,” Gavin blurts, and Ryan can feel the sudden panic in his chest begin to grow. “From the train station? When I would go out of town, you were always there.”

 “Yeah, that was me,” Ryan responds lamely, avoiding eye contact. “Pretty lame, having a boyfriend that works at a train station while you own a production company.”

Gavin rolls his eyes at him, reaching a hand out and gripping Ryan’s hand. “I’m sure there is more to you than _that_. How else would I have fallen for you?” He shakes his head, grinning and squeezing the man’s hand as a reassurance. “I wish I could remember you, or at least our time together. I promise I will.”

There’s a moment where Ryan could see a window; tell Gavin the truth while it is just the two of them, tell him about the situation with the nurse and how the last thing he wants is to hurt the family Gavin has, the family that has welcomed Ryan in with open arms. Tell Gavin that there wasn’t anything he needed to remember about their relationship because there wasn’t one.

Yet when Ryan goes to open his mouth, the man is pulling Ryan forward and pressing their lips together into their very first kiss.

**

Gavin is playing a card game with Michael when Jeremy arrives the next day, a bag of chocolate covered pretzels in hand. Gavin had ranted for nearly an hour about how disgusting hospital food was, how much he wanted to chow down on something better than whatever mashed thing they served to him. He knocks softly on the door to announce his presence, and Gavin grins up at him.

“Lil J! Get over here and play for me, Michael is destroying me.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes, putting down the bag of pretzels next to Gavin and looking at his hand. It appears they are playing poker with Goldfish crackers, and Gavin wasn’t joking; Michael was killing him. “You couldn’t have gone easy on your best friend? He _just_ got out of a coma.”

Michael rolls her eyes. “No excuses, no babying the man!” He tosses a cracker at him, and Jeremy mocks agony as it smacks against his jacket. Michael snickers, putting his cards down and reaching for the pretzels as Jeremy places a hand on Gavin’s shoulder.

“Heard you might be getting out today?”

“I can hope,” Gavin groans, plucking a pretzel out of the bag and popping it into his mouth. “It’s boring in here. I can’t do any work because of the awful reception.” He pats the empty spot beside him on his hospital bed, and Jeremy snorts. “Get up here.”

Jeremy obliges, curling into his friend’s side. It’s like they are kids again, before the whole mess with Jeremy’s book, back when the two of them were against the world. It’s comforting, familiar, and Jeremy wishes it could stay this way. “How’s the head?”

Gavin shrugs. “Sore, otherwise fine. Well, aside from the stupid memory thing.”

Jeremy takes his own pretzel from the bag, munching down. “Pretty stupid. Then again, you already were before you hit your head.” He’s nearly shoved off the bed at his comment, but it’s worth it when he sees Gavin’s obnoxious grin. The fact that Jeremy misses that stupid grin is ridiculous. “So, uh, have you spoken to Ryan?”

Gavin nods. “He came to visit last night, at my request. He’s bloody gorgeous, that is for damn sure. I mean, I’ve always had excellent taste, though it’s always been in women so that was new. I mean, don’t get me wrong Jeremy, I’ve dabbled a bit into guys, but never really got serious with one. I wish I could remember the guy, because if last night was any indication, I can _definitely_ see why I would go after him.”

Jeremy suddenly feels sick. “Ew, in the _hospital?”_

The comment has Gavin throwing his head back, laughter erupting from his mouth. “Oh god, you think I would be that stupid? I mean, no, we didn’t have _sex_.” He shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “ _In the hospital._ Good hell, Jeremy. I just kissed him, nothing else.”

Jeremy doesn’t like the way those words make him feel. “How was it?”

Gavin shrugs. “Like any other kiss, honestly. Nothing special, like lightning or whatever romantic shite you write about.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Jeremy frowns at the little voice in the back of his mind telling him that this is his chance; _sabotage Gavin’s relationship, take Ryan for yourself_. It’s not Gavin’s fault he doesn’t remember his relationship with Ryan. If his memories never come back, if he could never love Ryan like he did before, what harm could Jeremy being doing by swooping in and…

No. He’s already trying to repair what he destroyed the first time with Gavin. Stealing his boyfriend would not make any of it better. He couldn’t do that to him, despite some of the horrible things Gavin has done to him in the past. This wasn’t about revenge or getting back at him for things in their past. It’s not his fault that Gavin met Ryan first, that Jeremy wasn’t the one at the train station, that Jeremy wasn’t the one Ryan fell for. Ryan chose Gavin, and he needs to come to terms with that. He sighs. “Just get to know him again, yeah? He’s a wonderful person, a perfect partner. He has wonderful taste in music, doesn’t mind when you sing loudly in the car when his favorite song is playing. Also he’s incredibly talented, you really should look over some of the drawings he has in his notebook because they are _insane.”_

Gavin laughs as Jeremy rambles on, interrupting him as he’s about to go into anything else. “Okay, okay I get it. Ryan is incredible, I think I get the memo.”

“He’s coming to my New Year’s party,” Jeremy tells him, resting his head on Gavin’s. “I’m giving him a ride to Liberty City, since Michael here is adamant on getting you home and seeing if that helps with your memory problems.”

Gavin hums, popping another pretzel in his mouth. “I’m really trying to remember him, Jeremy. Not my fault my head is messed up.”

Michael places his cards down, a royal flush in front of them that has Gavin tossing the remaining Goldfish crackers at his head. As Michael laughs and moves to dodge the onslaught, Jeremy smiles sadly at the sight.

“I know you are,” Jeremy whispers, mostly to himself. “I just don’t want you to.”

**

Ryan has a plan, and it is fool proof.

Trevor disagrees, but that doesn’t come as much of a surprise. Trevor has always been rather hesitant when it came to any of Ryan’s plans.

He’s going to go to this New Year’s bash that Jeremy is throwing, and then, as the clock strikes midnight, he is going to bolt out the door and never see any of them again.

With how simple it is, it’s bound to work.

“You do realize they know where you work, right?” Trevor tells him, tossing a shirt at his friend. Ryan is starting to regret letting Trevor come over to help him pack for the short trip to Liberty City. He’s being judgy. If he wanted to be judged, he would have invited Meg. “They can track you down. Gavin is a rich man with his own company, he could send someone to murder you for lying or something.”

“Wow, Trevor. You sure know how to boost a guy’s confidence.” Ryan rolls his eyes, zipping his travel bag shut.

“You could still go with my plan,” Trevor insists, following Ryan out of his bedroom and towards the living room couch. “Tell Gavin that you are just not feeling it anymore and that you want to bone his friend. At least you are being honest with him.”

Ryan lets out an exasperated sigh. “Why do I bother telling you _anything?_ No, I am not going to tell him I want to fuck his friend!”

Trevor snorts at that but doesn’t bother arguing further. “Whatever, just be honest, okay? Running away from your problems won’t solve them.” There’s a loud knock on the door, and Trevor calls out, “Come in!” before Ryan can bother to say another word.

Jeremy comes into the apartment, looking rather ravishing, and Ryan hates that all he can think about was Trevor’s comment about boning him. “Trevor, right?” Jeremy says, holding a hand out for a shake. “Ryan mentioned you a time or two. I’m Jeremy, one of Gavin’s friends.”

“Oh, I know who you are,” Trevor quips, and Ryan wants to strangle him. He turns to Ryan. “Have fun, okay? Don’t do anything stupid.”

Ryan scoffs at that, pulling Trevor into a departing hug. “How can I when all the stupid is staying here with you?” He deserves the punch to the shoulder, but he doesn’t care. “I will text you when we arrive.”

He shoves Jeremy out the door before Trevor can say anything else embarrassing, Jeremy chuckling as they head down towards his car. “I like him, he seems pretty cool.”

“He grows on you,” Ryan jokes, tossing his travel bag into the back seat and buckling his seat belt. Jeremy has his phone playing Breaking Benjamin, and Ryan rests his head against the seat as he takes in the song.

An hour passes, and he can feel them finally pulling off the never-ending freeway, soon entering a large neighborhood with houses bigger than Ryan could even imagine. He grew up in a rather classy neighborhood back in Georgia, but that was nothing compared to what Liberty City housed. He assumed Gavin would live in an upscale neighborhood back home, but he never imagined that _Jeremy_ would. He expected a quaint little home with a garden in the front yard, maybe even a cliché white picket fence.

“You live _here?”_ Ryan voices, though he looks sheepish once he realizes that might have been a little rude. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Jeremy dismisses him with a wave, pulling into his driveway. There’re already a few cars littering it, all of them looking rather nice, and Ryan feels incredibly out of place. “Nah, I’m not bothered by it. I know it is a bit more upscale, but I have always wanted to live somewhere nice.” He leads Ryan up to the front door, which bursts open before they can even open it to reveal a rather happy looking Gavin.

“You finally made it! Sorry about the drive, Jeremy here likes to go slow.” He pulls Jeremy in for a tight hug, rubbing his friend’s bald head as if he didn’t mean the last comment. He moves to Ryan and presses a chaste kiss to his lips, startling both. “Hey.”

Ryan blushes. “Hi.”

Luckily Jack comes running out that second, saving Ryan from having to fill the awkward silence that followed. She’s jumping into Jeremy’s embrace, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and giggling loudly. “Gavin said we had to wait for you to get here before asking if I can have some of your whiskey.”

Ryan laughs at that, following the three of them into the house and shrugging off his jacket. There’s a small coat rack near the door, already overflowing with everyone else’s coats, but he manages to find a place for his before moving towards the grand dining room. Michael catches his eye and waves him over, pulling him into a tight hug. Geoff even offers a hello, though Ryan doesn’t try anything but a hand shake with him.

Jeremy is leaning against the doorway when he heads towards the living room, drinking some of the whiskey Jack had mentioned before offering Ryan a different cup. “I promise it’s not alcohol. I know you said you don’t drink, Geoff doesn’t either.”

Ryan accepts the drink graciously, taking a sip. “Thanks, I appreciate it. I will, however, hold you to it later when I’m needing alcohol to handle your brother.” He looks over into the living room, where Michael and Gavin seem to be in some sort of wrestling match. It makes Ryan’s heart hurt, that after tonight he’ll never see them again.

He’ll never see Jeremy again, he thinks bitterly as he takes another drink. Jeremy, who is looking incredibly handsome in his dark button up and jeans. He obviously went upstairs and changed his clothes, his beard neatly trimmed and looking perfect.

“You look good,” He blurts out before he can stop himself, and Jeremy seems rather startled by the comment. Ryan wants to apologize, clarify his comment, but Jeremy simply responds with something equally worthy of making Ryan blush from embarrassment.

“You do too.”

“Now, what do we have _here?”_

Both men turn to see Michael standing before them, cradling a bottle of Budweiser in his hand as he peers up towards the arch of the doorway. A little piece of green dangles innocently above their heads, making Jeremy choke on his whiskey as he scrambles to tear it down. Michael, however, swats at his arms.

“How dare you try to break a tradition!” He clicks his tongue, looking between the two of them with mischief in his eyes. “While I do wonder just _why_ you still have that hanging up, I can’t say it isn’t welcome.” He looks over at Gavin and Jack, shouting out to them and pointing upwards. “Hey Gav, boi, Jeremy and your boyfriend have to _kiss.”_

Gavin wrinkles his nose, but he doesn’t seem to protest. “I’m not exactly a voyeur, Michael.” A sly smile embraces his face, and Ryan is already dreading what he says next. “Well, don’t let me get in the way. Isn’t it bad luck to _not_ kiss?”

Ryan is about to protest, to insist that they don’t have to, but Jeremy seems to be falling into the peer pressure as he wraps a hand around the back of Ryan’s neck, making Ryan turn to face him. His face is inches away, lips parted as he says, “Wouldn’t want bad luck.”

Their lips press together softly, Ryan willing himself not to push into the kiss. Even when Jeremy’s thumb begins to stroke softly at his jawline, lips gentle and chaste, Ryan pushes back all urges to go further. When Jeremy eventually pulls away, to the whistles of Michael and Gavin, he tries to act as though Jeremy _didn’t_ take his breath away.

“I hope you enjoyed that, Jeremy, because you’re not kissing him again at midnight,” Gavin says, and Ryan laughs uncomfortably. Well, he tries not to sound that way at least. It comes off sounding rather odd though, but he can only hope no one has noticed.

Luckily dinner is ready to be served, leaving any uncomfortable conversation pushed to the side for the time being. Ryan had figured there would only be finger food for the evening, but he’s proved wrong when Jack and Geoff began placing various dishes on the table. “Jeremy cannot cook to save his life, so sometimes we come over and help out.” Geoff explains, placing a beautiful looking roast in the center of the table. “Jack makes a fantastic pot roast.”

“It’s in the Pattillo genes,” Jack explains, kissing Geoff’s cheek and grinning as a bright red mark sticks to his face. “Though I can’t hold a candle to Jeremy’s homemade pies. The man can’t cook for shit, but at least he knows how to bake.”

Everyone begins gathering at the table, Gavin taking a spot by Ryan, with Jeremy and Michael across from them. Gavin has his arm wrapped around the back of Ryan’s chair, and he’s putting in more of an effort than Ryan had been expecting. It feels as though this has been real, that they have been dating this entire time.

Gavin gets up before they begin to eat, however, and Ryan feels nervous that he’s going to do something completely stupid. “I want to give a toast before we start!” he announces, and Ryan wants to die. _Please don’t propose or something._ He begs. “I could not be happier to see all of us together like this, especially after I have risen from the dead. It’s always a nice reminder time and time again that I have people that care about me.” He holds his glass of cider to Jeremy. “It’s nice to have my brother back, who I’ve missed. However, if he tries to write a book regarding my personal life again, I cannot be judged for my actions.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes, but he’s chuckling. “I deserve that.”

Gavin continues. “I know we missed Christmas together, so I do propose we have one together soon. Especially with the man who saved my life,” he winks down at Ryan, and Ryan wishes he could disappear.

“To add to that,” Jack says, standing up and holding her own glass out. “Thank you, Ryan, for making sure Gavin stayed in our lives. I can see how much you love him, and though I’ve only known you for such a short time, I can tell you are going to be in our family for a long time. I have a good feeling about you, Ryan. No matter what happens in the future, if you get sick of Gavin or something along those lines, just know that you will always be welcome here. Our arms are always-“

Ryan can’t take it anymore. The speeches, the kiss with Jeremy, the prospect of having a future with _Gavin._ “No.”

His friends, or possibly his _former_ friends, stare at him in shock as he gets up from his seat. “This isn’t right. I’m sorry.” He moves from his spot, leaving the table. Jeremy reaches out to him, because _of course_ it had to be Jeremy, but Ryan is quick to dodge his outstretched hand. It hurts him more to see Jeremy recoil in what appears to be hurt.

“I’ve never dated Gavin,” he confesses, and the room feels as though it’s become a vacuum, sucking all the oxygen out and leaving Ryan gasping for air. “I knew who he was, when he came through the transit when he’d come to visit you all, but that was all it was; just a passing crush that I never should have indulged with this lie. I should never have let it get this far. The nurse at the hospital, she told the doctor that I was Gavin’s boyfriend, so I could see him that day in the hospital. I just wanted to be sure that you were okay. Then all of you came in, and you treated me like I belonged even though you didn’t even _know_ me.”

Jack appears to be blinking back tears, while Michael just looks downright angry. Ryan can’t bring himself to look at Jeremy. “Then Lindsay, the nurse, she could have lost her job if I said anything. None of this was her fault, I’m completely accountable for everything. I’m sorry.” He tries to gather his words, muster the courage he needs to make it through this. “It’s been so long since I’ve had people care about me, besides my best friend. My family has never cared much to ask me how I’ve been beyond insulting my life choices, and to have friends that didn’t care about that, who just treated me with all the kindness in their hearts? It was so nice, and I shouldn’t have let you treat me in such a way considering I was lying to your faces.”

He stops there, and his heart feels so completely broken as he takes in their stares. Michael no longer appears angry, more like he understands now. Gavin looks surprised, unsure how to react while Jack still has tears sliding down her cheeks. Geoff has a protective hand on her shoulder, looking at Ryan with concern. Alfredo looks completely betrayed, looking around as if anyone had an explanation.

Then there’s Jeremy, whose face is completely cut off. Ryan holds a hand out, but he knows it’s pointless when Jeremy flinches once again from his touch. “I’m sorry,” Ryan repeats, and he bolts out the door before things could get worse.

He nearly forgets his jacket on the coat rack, reaching for it and scrambling to pull it on and get out of the house. He doesn’t bother to go for his travel case upstairs in the guest room, deciding that he can do without whatever he packed away in there. He’s walking down the street with his phone in his hand, trying to get a hold of Trevor and tell him he was right, that he shouldn’t have let it go on this long when a drop of something wet hits his cheeks.

It’s only then he realizes that he’s crying.

A car pulls up beside him, and Ryan is quick to wipe away his tears in case it was someone he didn’t know. Part of him wonders if Jeremy ran after him, but he knows deep down that Jeremy wasn’t coming back. Instead, it’s Trevor and Meg, who sits on the passenger side with a look of sadness on her face.

Ryan piles himself into the back seat, and when Meg asks him if he’s okay, that’s when he finally allows himself to completely fall apart.

**

Life sort of, goes on after that. He spends the New Year with Trevor and Meg, trying to forget what an awful mess he made. He fills Meg in on what she has missed, and she’s the comfort that he needs. Trevor is there, he’s always there for him, and it’s only then he realizes that he never really was alone; he has always had the two of them to comfort him in times like this.

It’s the New Year now, and Ryan is sitting in his booth at the transit. He’s tossed his drawings aside, instead opting for staring out the window at the various people. There have been a few customers that have asked him how his holidays were, and he tries to act as though they weren’t complete hell. He doesn’t need their pity.

Trevor was right, about his plan being stupid. Maybe if he had been honest with them, not played into the entire charade, he wouldn’t be in this current state. Being alone was always awful, and while part of him was tempted to call up his mother and confirm that she was right, that she had always been right about him being ridiculous, he can’t bring himself to do it. The last thing he needs is confirmation that he really was going to be alone for the rest of his life.

Jeremy was never going to stop by again, his bright smile dialed up to eleven and a dumb joke that will have Ryan holding his stomach. No more texts that made him smile until it hurt. No more Jeremy at all. Out of everything that had happened to him in the past few days, that was what hurt the most.

With a grumble, he rests his head against the cool metal of his desk and tries to will away his sorrow.

There is a tap against the glass a few seconds later, and when Ryan looks up his heart thunders.

It’s Michael. He looks at Ryan with a friendly smile that Ryan wasn’t used to, one that had him a little worried as to why he was there. He’s about to ask when another figure joins him.

Jeremy.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Ryan echoes, blinking as he wonders if this is a dream.

“I tried calling you,” Jeremy tells him, and Ryan bites his lip.

“I turned my phone off.”

“You shouldn’t do that, you know,” Jeremy scolds softly, smiling that same bright smile. “It makes the people who care about you worry. You should turn it back on, see what I mean.”

Ryan nods his head, reaching for his phone in his jacket pocket and turning it back on. It takes a minute for it to process a signal, and when it finally does connect, that’s when all the notifications began to erupt. Calls, voicemails, texts. Some from Alfredo, Jack, Michael, Gavin, hell even _Geoff._ Out of them all, however, there is an outrageous number from Jeremy. He doesn’t read all of them, but all of them carry the same message.

_‘Where are you?’_

_‘We’re not mad, Ryan. Where are you?’_

“I tried to go after you,” Jeremy tells him. “All of us did, once we processed everything. We couldn’t find you, and I went to the station and asked if you had boarded. They said they didn’t see you, and there was no record.”

“Trevor gave me a ride,” Ryan explains, and Jeremy just nods.

“I figured as much. I wanted to come by your house, but then I realized I had no idea where you lived. None of us did. Gavin made a few calls though, found your friend Meg in his employee database. Called her up and asked where you were. She wouldn’t tell me where you lived, but she did mention you were here. So, um, I’m here?”

Michael elbows him in the gut, and Jeremy grunts. “ _Both_ of us are here. Along with Geoff, Alfredo, Jack, Gavin? All of us came to see you. They stayed back in the car just in case this went bad though.” He places a hand against the glass of the booth, gaining Ryan’s attention before he asks, “Do you _really_ like Gavin, Ryan?”

“No!” Ryan responds a little _too_ enthusiastically, and he smiles sheepishly. “I mean, I used to have a bit of a crush, but that was before, um.” He looks over at Jeremy, and Michael seems to understand. “Before I met him.”

“Funny,” Jeremy looks relieved. “Trevor said the same thing. He also said that your, uh, plan? That it was stupid, and to remind you of that.”

Ryan rolls his eyes at that, and both laugh. When they make eye contact, Ryan can’t help but ask, “So you tracked me down to work, with all of your friends…”

“The people that care about you,” Jeremy corrects. “People who still care about you despite you lying to them. People who decided that they didn’t want to have their belated Christmas without the one person who brought us all back together.” He grins as he motions for the rest to come over, and Ryan hadn’t realized how much he had missed them all until now. Jack, with her hand intertwined with Geoff’s. Alfredo, with his arms crossed but a gentle smile on his face. Gavin, who reaches his hand out towards Michael and intertwines their fingers. “You may have only been around for a short time, but we already consider you part of the family. So, Ryan Haywood,” he motions to everyone around them and Ryan chuckles. “How would you feel about joining this ragtag group for a late Christmas dinner? Or, if that is too much for the moment, dinner with me tomorrow? Maybe even next week if you find you cannot get away?”

Ryan laughs. “There’s a chance I can work you into my schedule.”

Despite the cheering that roars around them, Jeremy still asks, “That’s a yes, right?”

Ryan really wants to kiss him. “Yes, it is a yes. To dinner with you, to dinner with all our friends. Yes to anything you want in the future.”

Jeremy’s eyes sparkle and Ryan feels himself falling all over again. “Are you allowed out of your booth? I really need to kiss you right now, and I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

Ryan motions towards the door to his booth, and Jeremy jumps over the turn style in order to get to it. It’s rather hilarious, watching Jeremy nearly fall on his face in his efforts, but it’s all forgiven when Ryan nearly tears the door open to see him. Jeremy stands before him, that same bright smile that Ryan found himself adoring from afar on his face, when he asks, “So, when you said anything?”

Ryan ignores him, pulling Jeremy into the booth by his jacket and locking their lips together. It’s their first proper kiss, not just a gentle touch of lips like on New Year’s. Ryan’s arms are wrapped around Jeremy’s waist, keeping him in place while Jeremy has his arms secure around Ryan’s neck. When they finally break apart, Jeremy brushes their noses together and whispers, “I am definitely writing my next book about this.”

Both burst into fits of laughter, Ryan bringing Jeremy’s lips down to his once more.

**

Later, when they are walking back towards their cars, Gavin asks him, “When did you manage to fall in love with him anyway?”

Jeremy simply grins at him, the kiss repeating over and over in his mind as he responds, “Don’t worry about it, you were sleeping.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at cherryraindrops, or at twitter at cherryraindr0ps


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